Bear is back

He first started coming to me 15 years ago, tracking me, not letting me get away. He always found me, crashed through doors, hurt my children, until finally, as I crawled to the highest point in a room, and Bear snarled and lunged toward me, I said, "Enough!" and let him do what he wanted to with me - I was tired of running. He ripped my sides as he pulled me toward him, then... hugged me. We melded and melted into one. I came to realize that Bear symbolized my separation from my instinctual part, and vowed to be truer to myself. Bear went away.

Saturday night he came and started chasing me again - a huge grizzly bear with frosted white fur on top of the golden. I could see him on the road, far away, but smelling our scent, was able to find us no matter where we went. But this time, I was in charge of a whole group of people and animals - I herded them frantically, trying to keep them safe. There was Mom and Dad, Steve, Kari, Erik, Jordan, Bill, Rusty and Spikey. It was too much - they kept wandering off. Then I remembered I might be safe in a house, not remembering that Bear eventually just crashes through any "house" I try to hide in. We found a house, and we went inside. Then I remembered thinking that maybe I should face Bear. But not tonight. Not today. I'm sure Bear will come back if I continue to stretch outside myself, worrying about others, taking care of everyone else besides myself. My back miraculously healed by itself, but there's an imbalance. There really is. And Bear knows. And so he comes to me. I'm not surprised. A little scared and upset, but not surprised. I'll keep you posted.