Be kind

I have been urged to be kinder, I have been urged not to be judgmental, I have been urged to be understanding. I have replied that I am being far kinder than I feel right now, and have not said nearly 1/10th of what is in my head, and I AM understanding. But there are some things that are just plain RIGHT and other things that are just plain WRONG. This is what I know: I know it is RIGHT to be here taking care of Mom and Dad, dropping everything to help as much as possible. I know it is WRONG to cut Mom and Dad out of your life, keeping secrets, withholding. I know it is WRONG to plan a vacation in 6 days, when Mom clearly only has a few days to live.

"Everybody has to make their own decisions, Susie."
"Yes, that's true. Everyone has their own issues, and will have to live with their consequences, but if this affects Mom, I will say the hard stuff. It's NOT okay, and if I'm the only one that has the guts to say that, then so be it. I'll say it."

Families stay - they are by your side when you are sick, especially when you are dying. It's not okay to stay away, coughing and saying you don't feel well, or you get sick if you stay up all night at the hospital, or your back hurts when you sit in the hospital chair for too long, or you're too busy with your kids. THAT IS NOT OKAY. It just isn't. And if anyone think I'm being unkind, well, then tough. Seriously, tough s**t.

Hey, aren't spiritual people supposed to go around with smiles on their faces, always gentle and yielding? Yes, but there are times when it is right to speak up, to say what's right. But aren't there several versions of "right?" Who am I to say what's right? Why would you deny your dying mother the right to see a picture of something kept from her? Why would you leave town when you know your mother will die any day? I acknowledge that we all have our priorities, and we all make our own decisions, but I don't want to delay the funeral for someone. I've chosen to stay at home for the last year, just to stay close in case Mom and Dad needed me. And they DID. I've been to Bismarck over 20 times in the past year. And I wanted to. Why? Because I'm kind. Are my sisters kind? I love them all, I do, but I will defend and take care of Mom first and foremost, and if that means saying some harsh things, then trust me, they'll be said. Mama didn't raise no fool. And for me to speak with that bad of grammar, you have to know I mean it!

Yes, these are tough, emotional, tough times, yes, we are all stressed out, yes, it's important to be gentle and understanding. Yes yes yes. I understand, I do. Believe me, I understand everything. That's the tough part sometimes. I can't be unconscious and just stick my head in the sand - I know too much. So I choose to speak, and for me, that's the most important thing. Maybe I'm wrong - who knows? I'm doing the best I know how.