yin yang

For every sadness in my heart, there is a joy. For every difficulty there is a gift. I see one thing, then I think of its opposite, so I write my yin yang.

Mom is dying - I get to see all of my sisters
Dad is sad - we get to show him how much we love and support him
My sister left for vacation - I can see how some of my actions may hurt others, and am more aware of that
Jordan's situation - he'll finally get some good help
My fears - I am braver about some things, and scared of other things - education is a good thing
My fears are FRE - the most ferocious super bug that Mom has, and we have been around for the past two weeks - I almost fainted upon hearing the news - there are some things that we simply have NO control over, so we must trust (I have issues)
The drunk softball players screaming outside our hotel door at 12:30AM - I am NOT afraid of 20 drunk men - I opened the door and loudly asked them to keep it down, reminding them how late it was (Steve was shocked I was so brave, and was getting ready to "rescue me" - "You would've needed to rescue THEM," I told him this morning)
I feel SO ripped inside out - I am totally stripped down to my soul bare bones, and it's nice and clean and new
Mom is dying - she will always be with me

Our Last Conversation:
Mom: "How long do you think we've loved each other?"
Me: "I don't know. Forever. What do you think?"
Mom shrugs.
Me: "Do you think we've said everything we need to say?"
Mom: "Never."
Me: "I love you so much, Mom."
Mom: "I...LOVE...YOU!!!" Smile. "It's nice to have you here."
Me: "There's no place else I would rather be. I'll just sit and hold your hand."
Mom nods, closes her eyes, and smiles.

Mom Haiku

There is this space, Here!
Where my hand fits perfectly
Over her beating heart.