gifts

There are so many. Will I be able to name them all? It will be an ongoing list, but here are a few.
1. Collecting Russian Olive branches to bring up to the hospital - and their unbelievable smell - I'll always remember
2. Seeing all of my sister and Dad gathered around Mom, holding hands and singing - and Mom singing with us
3. Understanding a little more about the gift of quiet presence
4. Learning to breathe through the pain - and walking through to that crystal clear other side of peace
5. Walking with my sisters, firming up our triceps
6. Shutting my mouth when I want to bitch about something - just let it go - it doesn't matter
7. Being there 100% for my dad, just sitting by him, supporting him
8. Sitting for an hour with Mom this morning, one hand on her heart, the other holding her hand, and whispering "I love you, Mom" with her every breath
9. Making sack lunches for Dad and eating them with him at the hospital
10. Not being ashamed to cry anywhere, in front of anyone - it's beautiful
11. Holding my 8 year old and telling him how happy I am that he was born
12. Thanking Mom for the gifts she's given me
13. Walking through the woods with Nancy and coming to a break, with the sun beam shining right in front of us
14. Laughing through it all
15. Crying through it all
16. Being grateful for every single moment my heart is beating and I'm with my family

There will be more, but that is what I'm thinking about today. There is NEVER pain without gifts, it's just up to us to find the gifts, be aware of them, and allow them into our lives and consciousness. It is NOT all pain, or only pain. There is heart gripping beauty in every moment. It is all very real. And all a dream.