getting in the game

They were a little bigger than us, and a little younger, I think. The game started, and someone passed me the ball under the hoop. I reached out to get it, but missed. I thought, "it must be because I'm so old." The game continued. I ran down the court and got a good rebound, passed it out, and headed to the basket. I was on a breakaway, and I was in front of everyone. My teammate lobbed the ball to me, and when I looked up to shoot, I had no idea where the basket was, but managed to twirl in mid-air and make the shot.

The coach called a time-out. "We're too old," I said. "I'm 47."

"It's okay," he said. "You can do it, you're strong, and fast, and good."

Yeah, and old, I thought, but said to myself, "I may be old, but I'm going to get all of the passes, and make all of the shots.

The game continued, and I found myself moving faster, able to keep up with the energy and pace of the game. My age difference melted away until I was 21 again - fast, strong, and good.

I knew it was a dream even while I was in it, and in all of these basketball game dreams I am too old, too slow, and something always goes wrong so I can't play the game. That was always sad to me, because basketball represented all that was right about me, all that I was capable of, all that was possible. So whenenever I dreamed that I couldn't play anymore, I somehow thought that had some meaning for my life right now, and I didn't like what I was dreaming.

But last night was different - I ran fast, I caught the ball, I made my shots. I was fully suited up (no lost shoes or uniform), I wanted to play. So something has shifted, and I'm glad I no longer think I'm too old to play the game. I'm IN the game, and I'm playing well. And that feels really really good.