Our front lawn is covered in dragonflies. They are supposed to symbolize illusion, their irridescent wings beautiful to look at, but possible to see through. I think they are here for me, as I continue to acclimate to my new vision and life. I look out through my eyes sometimes and I'm tricked into believing that everything is the same. But when I take a moment, breathe deeply and adjust my bearings, I see that my world is not as it was. Colors are deeper, things have more dimension, I FEEL my surroundings, we're all the same thing. Is that strange? Sort of to me, but not so strange. I'd been feeling it all building for at least 2 years. 5 years, I guess, when this whole thing started in earnest. It started with heart issues. Even 17 year clients were running to their cardiologists. Skipped heart, pounding, racing. Those issues can continue today, but yesterday when Melissa worked on me, I could feel her words of Spirit housed in my heart. No wonder I feel so much there. You have to trust - what other option do you have? Spend a billion dollars at the doctors, only to hear them tell you you're fine? Trust that you're physically okay, no matter what you're feeling (remember the 57 ascension symptoms?), trust that your process is unfolding in exact, Divine Order, trust that you're exactly where you need to be right at this moment. Trust trust trust.
Sometimes I forget my new life and think I'm separate from others. I get crabby and resentful and scared. I forget we're all One. I forget it's always all right, no matter what it may look like on the outside. On the INSIDE, it's always good. I'm living more on my insides these days, but sometimes I forget.
Like when I forgot what happened on Monday. Bill was walking slowly down the stairs, holding onto the bannister. "I want to see how far I can walk down and still hold on," he said. Pretty symbolic. So I started walking slowly behind him. There was no hurry. I was wearing my cute mustard colored suede skimmer flats. On the third step my left foot slid right off the carpet and I started falling down the stairs. I don't remember anything but hearing a loud "bum bum bum" and ending up twisted to my left, my left hand holding a rung to the left of Bill, my right hand holding another rung to the right of Bill. We both just stood there frozen for a moment. I remember it hurt. I'd torqued my whole body. I couldn't feel my left hand, and couldn't lift or grab anything for the rest of the day. What surprised me, though, was the next day when Tammy was working on me. "What's up with your clavicle?" she asked. Then she asked about my sore shoulder, then my sore arm, then my swollen wrist, knees, and ankles. I started crying, it started hurting so much. I'd forgotten I'd fallen down the stairs. I imagined my sore knees were from my long walk the night before. I didn't even notice my swollen, stiff ankles or throbbing left wrist. What does that mean? It could mean nothing, but I wonder if it means I'm not as much in my body as I thought I was. Tammy thought it was hysterical that I'd forgotten something like falling down stairs. How can you forget that?
What stands out in my mind, however, is that the fact that I'm in pretty good shape, to be able to slide down that many steps without actually falling, and catch myself. I have a great appreciation for the elderly's fears of falling down stairs. It really could've been bad, and to feel this twisted around feels intense enough. I imagine if I was 10, I wouldn't be feeling anything right now. So if we believe there are no coincidences, what's the point of the fall? I was being mindful, careful, slow. I apologized to my sweet body after the fall, cradling my arm for most of the day. I hear the words "slow down" in my head, and I think that is it. I have so much energy these days, organizing my fall classes, workshops and speaking engagements. Scheduling clients and setting group dates, organizing and purging. On and on. Yesterday I had 2 hours of quiet time, and I spent it on the phone and visiting with my sister. I wouldn't have traded those moments, but in the back of my mind, a nappy looked really good to me. No nappy for me.
Slow down. See through the illusion. Slow down enough TO see through the illusion. Live your life congruent with your new surroundings. Don't be afraid. Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid. Well, the forces already came to my aid, and here I am, ready to keep going. I look out my window and see another dragonfly zoom by. I wonder if my mom sees dragonflies in Bismarck? I think I'll ask her today.
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