Mom countdown - Day 25 - 32 messages

32 messages on my answering machine. 32 times to hear Mom's voice. I started saving them in the middle of April, right before we almost lost her the time before last. I play them all back sometimes. It makes me happy, hearing her voice talking about the pictures she's found, how she and Dad saw TWO trains while in the A&W parking lot, how there's nothing new but she just wanted to call. My mom leaves long messages, just like I do. Melissa's machine cuts me off after 30 seconds - goodness, I can barely say hello in 30 seconds. But my machine doesn't cut you off, so I've got 32 one-sided conversations with Mom - about 40 minutes of Mom. I wonder how many messages I can hold on this machine and if I can record them over to my CD recorder so I can keep them. A friend's husband died, and she paid the money each month on his cell phone account just to call it up and hear her husband's voice telling her to leave her name and number. I understand it, I do, and Mom's not even dead yet. There's just so something ALIVE about it all, you know? Like if I listen, that means she's alive, right?

So today I get organized, do more birthday psychic readings for the goddesses in attendance last week, see some clients. It's a lovely cool, sunny day - I'd have the rest of the summer be just like today, if I had a choice. I'm spending the rest of the day looking out through the eyes of Spirit. It's a conscious decision, and I know we do it anyway, even if we're not aware of it. So I choose to be aware today, then maybe tomorrow, and the day after that ... So far it feels very smooth and almost dreamlike. If I ask for a word-of-the-day for myself, it would be "tranquil," which means "free from agitation of mind or spirit, steady, stable, calm." I'll take it. I used to do WOTDs every day, added it to the Next Step Groups (they loved it, and so did I - gives you something to think about). I think I'll give myself more WOTDs.

I finished reading "Tallgrass" by Sandra Dallas, but it was tough going. I don't know if I was feeling especially tender, but several passages made me put down the book and cry. It's about the Japanese evacuation, through a young girl's eyes. It's a very powerful book, and I read it slowly just so I could enjoy the feel of the words through my brain. I can hear the words as I read them. I don't know if everybody can, but if it's really good writing, it flows and feels smooth in my brain. If it isn't good, it bumps and jolts and is hard to keep with. I do so appreciate good writing. I have my newspaper column, but I'm looking to write something more substantial, like a novel or a how-to book for the new energies. I've got so many projects, so many ideas, not enough follow-through right now. So I'll just keep to my life in front of me and keep going. Maybe the fall will bring the new crisp winds of expansion and new beginnings.