Mom countdown - Day 13

We met at Chitra's last night. She had tealights lit all over, and we sat on the deck, the 5 of us. Magical women, all, from all over the world, gathered together in a miraculous friendship based on trust, love, unconditional support and respect. I love these women, I do - I have never spoken ill of them, I would defend them to anyone, I trust them to tell them things I have never told anyone. It can be too risky, you know? To say something that might come back and slap you in the face later. It might be taken wrong, it might be twisted, skewed, turned into something that wasn't what you'd said to begin with - like the childhood game "telegraph." But these women don't do that - they listen, even if they don't understand me. They care, even if they don't believe in the things I believe in. They support me, even if I don't ask for it.

Why am I writing about the fab 5 this morning? Because I'm leaving today, and won't be home for a week. I'm sad because there were so many things I wanted to do this summer, and I haven't gotten to do any of them. So when I'm sitting here, and I think about these 4 amazing women, it makes me happy, and it gives me strength, and it makes me smile to remember some of the things we laughed about last night. And it's a safe haven in the middle of the tumultuousness. And it's important, it's really important. I don't quite know how we all got together, but I knew Donna first, maybe Julia, then Chitra, then Marie. Together we're an unlikely crew - we don't look alike (although I tease Chitra that people get us mixed up all the time - trust me, we DON'T look alike), we have different backgrounds, religious and political affiliations, family situations, ages, but it doesn't matter - it just doesn't matter.

I told them about "that" Friday night last night while we all stood in the kitchen. I haven't cried for several days; I've felt very calm and happy for the most part, but telling them how I REALLY felt that night, telling them EVERYTHING that happened, I couldn't stop crying, and it was okay to just tell them. I hadn't told anyone the whole story, but last night I did. Donna lost her mom a little while ago, so she knows. She said to tell Mom that we'll take care of Dad, and that it's okay to go, so I will, even if I've already told her that several times. I'll tell her again.

I love my friends - they are my stability and my rocks and my sanity and my center. Thank you all, my dear dear friends - I love you all.