Mom countdown - Day 24

It was a dream day yesterday. The weather was warm and sunny, and as I lay down in the back of the Rialta watching the pine trees, I thought I couldn't be any happier. Bill and Erik tossed water balloons and splashed in the lake, Erik and Steve waded in the Mississippi and got attacked by a log that was hiding from them. Steve and I kissed and whispered silly things to each other, sitting on a towel on the sandy shore. The Rialta drove like a dream - I can't wait to take her on more trips. That single day made the rest of the summer all right. It doesn't matter that we didn't take any other trips - we had yesterday.

I usually don't have allergies, but man, am I blocked up today. My ears are full, my eyes are blurry, my nose is runny and my eyes itchy. The neti pot helps a lot, but I just know this is part of the energy "pop" that's coming next Tuesday or so, right around the height of the meteor showers. I'm trusting that everyone's "allergy" symptoms will clear by then. Some say it's because of early harvest, and I think why can't we be open to other possibilities? Everything that's happened to anyone this past intense year people have attributed to the weather. We're tired - it's the change in the weather. We're achy - weather. Dizzy - weather. Can't sleep - uhmmmmm, weather? Can we move beyond weather and talk about other options? Can we just stay open for a day or so? What would that feel like?

Bill and I are leaving Thursday for a get-lost-in-North-Dakota trip, heading up to Mayville, then straight across to Lake Sakakawea, on up to the North Unit, then down to Medora, then on to Mom and Dad's on Saturday to celebrate my 47th birthday. I hope Mom doesn't die on my birthday, or even around it, but if she DOES die soon, I actually hope it IS on my birthday. That would be fitting somehow - she brought me into life on the same day that she might leave this life. I know it will happen when it's exactly the right time. Ellen came over today and brought fresh corn out of a friend's garden. She said that maybe we're holding Mom back, and we may all need to tell her we'll be okay, and I agree, then I think, but WILL I be okay? What does "okay" mean? I don't want to be just "okay," I want to be spectacular, fabulous, awesome, but maybe "okay's" all I'll be for a while. I just don't know. So I'm programming my brain again to think I'll feel BETTER after Mom dies - I'll be healthier, happier, more peaceful. Why do we have to assume the worst in every situation? Look for it? No - I won't do that, I won't go searching for bad anymore. It's ALL good - I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't live my motto, and I know it IS all good - that means, it all just IS.

So today I live IS, and wait for the piquant meatloaf to get done cooking. I am so hungry. And today, my mom is still alive. And that is a very good thing.