Mom countdown - Day 21

I will be so glad when this current energy shift pops, around August 14th, according to my sources. It feels positively like my life is bulging, if that makes sense. I look around at my life, and at my friends' lives, and everyone seems to be going through a lot of intensity. I know it's all for the good, this last releasing and purging of the old energies, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if I'll be able to handle it all. I want to be there solidly for Mom and Dad - I love them more than anything. I want to be there totally for Steve and the kids - I love them, too. I want to be there for all of my sweet, wonderful friends - I need them. Then there are those few times, when my life is quiet and I can feel my heart beating, that I wonder if I'm strong enough to walk through all of this. I want to do it with dignity, with strength, with optimism and clarity, just because, then I feel weak inside, like I just want to curl up in my warm blankey and go away for a while, maybe pretend that my life is something other than it is. Then I think that I don't want my life to be anything other than exactly what it is right now. It's breathtakingly beautiful in so many ways - I still feel peaceful and expanded, even in the midst of the stress. I feel myself speaking very calmly and gently in those stressful situations, and really FEELING calm and gentle. In other days I'd probably be less peaceful, to say the least.

I wish my sleep would get better - I dreamed some really crappy dreams last night, but not surprisingly, Melissa said she did, too. That helps me not feel so alone. So what's going to happen around August 14th? We never really know exactly how this energy will manifest, but from what I can tell, it's going to be like a "pop" to release us from all the dense energy, like letting the rubber band that's been pulled back, go, so it can move the object inside of it forward. We're the object, so far as I can tell. Then, our momentum will take us into our new lives and experiences right away in the fall. It feels as if fall will be lighter, more open to manifestation, allowing us to move forward and not just tread water, which is what it feels like right now. I'm not making many plans right now, just catching up with my work, putting out the purple plates for the goddess gathering tonight, organizing Mom and Dad's papers that I took home. I trust the Universe to unfold my life in exactly the perfect way, while I remain open and poised to embrace it as it comes, not pushing the river, which is what I used to do. Not anymore. Now I'm resting on the mattress, letting the current carry me downstream, my hand relaxing over the edge. And it feels really nice.