breaking through

Bill and I and some of my family (sisters and Mom and Dad) went to China. Bill was a baby at the time, so I didn't get to do much "fun stuff" besides take care of him (common part of these kind of dreams). All of a sudden we're all sitting in the family room at our childhood house in Bismarck. "Mom," I said, "is this okay that we're in the house? It belongs to the Abused Women now."

"Yes, it's okay," Mom assured me.

"Are we allowed to house our spirit bodies on the main floor just while we dream?" I asked her again.

"Yes," she replied.

Wow. First of all, I realized I was dreaming (lucid dreaming) because I talked about "housing our spirit bodies on the main floor for our dreams." Second of all, the symbolic childhood house appears to be where my family "gathers" to talk about stuff. I remember telling one of my sisters that her recent incredible e-mail to me made me cry. Then she told me she loves my blue eyeliner. Then I remember waking up WHILE I was saying a LONG sentence, really loudly and clearly. I don't remember what I said, but I remember that my own voice was so loud that it woke me up. I was firmly telling somebody something, which goes along with what I was talking to Mom about yesterday - the difficulty (at least in our family) we have being straight with people, especially when they've done something that's hurt us in some way. Isn't it our DUTY to let others know when they've stepped over that line into OUR space? I think so, but we're just so gosh darned worried about hurting OTHERS that we keep quiet, or worse, talk about it to others, not to the person themselves. So apparently I'm working out stuff in my dreams, and I've been falling asleep around 9 every night, and waking up at 5AM without fail for the past few nights. I made Carolina Soup yesterday morning, and it made for a GREAT hot breakfast. This morning I started in on my antixodant textbook for my holistic nutrition studies (FASCINATING STUFF).

Right now I'm peaceful, although smack in the middle of three unfinished, frustrating events that are swirling all around me. But when I just let the plates slow down of their spinners, then put them carefully on the counter, I realize that I don't have to spin them - that's the illusion. That doesn't mean I don't have to deal with them, but I don't have to keep my eye on them at all times - that's too tiring. So I'll get those papers off to the lawyer this morning, and I'll talk to Cassie about the stairs later today, and I'll grapple with the Toyota office when I get the chance, maybe next week, but until then, we've got a 4 day weekend, a refrigerator full of good food, a fireplace that's just screaming for some action, and even some organic popcorn that might make its way onto the stove today. Life is good. No - I take that back - LIFE IS PERFECT.