What is this feeling?

I haven't always loved my body. Heck, I haven't always even LIKED my body. I've been 6'1" since I was 12 years old, I have HUGE feet, the space between my ankles and knees goes on FOREVER, as does the space between my wrists and elbows (FOREVER). My nose kind of looks like a horse's nose, and I've got a manly kind of body (not many curves). Hey, I'm a realist - I see things as they really are - I know that it could've been a lot worse. My body's strong, it's healthy, it's proportionate (except for the leg thing). So I've gone through most of my 47 years looking at my body in a utilitarian sort of way - as an instrument for getting things done. It helps me work, do projects, kind of like a workhorse. But an odd thing happened to me the other day. I was lying in bed, right before I got up, and I usually take a few minutes just to sit quietly. I looked over at my arm that my head was resting on, and really looked at it. It's the same old arm, with the same old moles, a little more wrinkled. Then I felt something start in my heart and spread out hot and electric-like through my whole body. I couldn't figure the feeling out - what was it? I'd never felt that before when I'd looked at my arm (or leg or face). Then I got it - it's love... I'm in love. I think I may have even kissed my arm at that point (sort of like that old joke - "Let me kiss the hand of the most beautiful person in the whole world" - then you kiss your own hand - it's hilarious).

The feeling was almost overwhelming as I realized that I not only liked and accepted my body - I was in LOVE with my body. But not just my BODY body, but this whole physical thing that my energies are housed in. It's more a realization that I'm in intimate partnership with another intelligence, my body, and it's not only intelligent, it's fabulous. I breathed that feeling for a while before I started my day, but I'm still stuck with the feeling of receiving that precious gift, and excited to see how our relationship will unfold. It's as if I woke up and found myself with the most wonderful person in the whole world, AND I NEVER SAW THEM BEFORE. How could I miss that? How could I just take myself for granted all these years? How could I not see how much my incredible body does for me? There's no way I could do all of that stuff all by myself: "Okay, heart, pump. Pump again - oh darn - I forgot - pump again..." It's amazing, it really is.

So today I'm thankful for my body, and so grateful that it's stuck with me even when I wasn't nice to it, even when I filled it full of chemicals and dyes and fats and sugars and poisons. Even when I ignored it and filled it full of caffeine to keep it going. Even when I took an aspirin instead of resting its sore back. Even when I looked in the mirror and saw that little roll of fat on my belly and felt a little repulsed. Even when ... what kind of an incredible gift is this to us in this lifetime, to have these bodies that are taking us through the tumultuous waters of ascension and enlightenment? How can we thank them? I do Reiki on myself whenever I think of it, and send loving thoughts to my body, I pay attention to BEING in my body, I eat good foods and take plenty of time to rest and play. I choose my thoughts as often as possible (Billy's helping me), I stretch and walk.

It's just so odd to not have gotten it before, but it's never too late to start this love affair so late in life. My body never went anywhere - it was just waiting for me to wake up (or grow up), and I'm so grateful I have.