wow

That's all I can say today - wow. I went to Monika's this morning, and she did some amazing energy work for me (thanks, Monika), but I left there feeling REALLY sleepy and out of it (I know what you're thinking...). I transcribed 10 more of Dad's letters (now we're at the point where he's given her the "A" pin, but she won't wear it, because she met Vince down in Florida during the three months they shut down Wellesley for the war, and her parents live in Florida, so she spent January-March of 1943 there - she doesn't know if she loves Bill at this point, or Vince (Vince was very pushy)). Thank god I know how all of this turns out, or I'd be a nervous wreck. Suffice it to say that this book is going to be FABULOUS when we're all done. I'll keep you posted.

I've spoken with a ton of folks who are all feeling long-term nauseous, as well as uber-crabby (my crabbiness seems to be ebbing, but I'm still strangely keeping myself a little distant from Steve) and aching knees. But, even with this freak snowstorm last night, and even though my hands and feet are chilly, due to some temperature imbalances in the house (most rooms won't get above 59 degrees or so - brrrrrrrrrr), my insides are still feeling more and more sunny and fabulous. I'm liking THAT feeling, I tell you, and I think my body's integrating more and more each day, and I'm eternally grateful.

I don't know why some people feel a lot of stuff, and others don't feel anything, or why I seem to feel most EVERYTHING, but it's all okay, and it doesn't bother me that much anymore. Heck, after all I've been through this past year and a half, I'm getting to be quite a professional at talking to myself about it all ("okay, now, Susie - you've had this symptom before. You need to just trust and let go - it will pass soon enough. Do something else - read a book, bake something, meditate, call a friend - you're just fine - you're in perfect health, moving to something greater and greater every day") and I really believe in my body's ability to go through all of these changes just fine. I'm keeping my good diet (even though I'd like to work out a little more), I'm sleeping really well lately, really deeply, and I'm overall feeling pretty calm and peaceful. Still restless about my future, though, and I don't really know what to do about that. Some days I feel like moving to Montana, other days I feel like building a new house here in Fargo, some days I feel like buying a condo in Florida, other days I feel like building a lake place, other days I feel like doing ALL of the above things. On and on, and in the end I do ... nothing. But that's okay for now - with everything else moving so fast, who in the heck knows where we'll all end up? I know I'll still be surrounded by those I love, and everything will be the way it's supposed to be. I believe we're all moving toward a really GREAT place, even if it doesn't always feel like it right now. I believe, I really do.