honorable

Bill is 8; his older brothers are 20 and 19. He rarely gets to do anything first. If the boys get there first, they do it first - Bill doesn't get a voice. This behavior hits me a little sideways as I was the youngest of 5, and rarely got to do anything first, either, so when Bill and Erik and I started our quest for Guitar Hero 3, Bill said, I want to play it first." Fair enough, as Erik played Guitar Hero 2 AND Rocks the 80's first.

"No," Erik told him, "I'M going to play it first - you're going to climbing club. It's no big deal. You can play it second."

Bill slumped down a little in the back seat - he would never win with his older brother.

Erik stayed in the car while Bill and I went into Toys 'r Us. "I want to play the game first," Bill told me.

"Okay," I told him after we'd miraculously FOUND the game, "You can play it first, but I'll keep it in my purse until you get home from climbing, then you can play it first."

Bill thought that was a good idea. We got into the car, and when Erik asked me if we'd found the game, I "honestly" replied, "We had to look all over for it." We HAD, but I didn't tell him we'd eventually found it.

Bill started squirming in the back seat, and by the time we'd pulled up to the Y to let him out for climbing club, he pulled the bag from my purse and said, "What's this?"

Erik started bitching at Bill for being so stupid about wanting to play the game first, and told him he was going home right now to play it.

Bill looked really small. Then Erik turned on me and said it was shady of me to have kept it from him. I told him, "The interesting part about all of this is that your little brother didn't want to keep anything from you, so knowing you'd be playing the game first, he still chose to be honest with you and tell you we had the game."

I hugged Bill and told him he'd done the right thing, and told him it was okay. Steve came to watch Bill, and Erik and I went home so I could start dinner early and give Bill some really good Halloweening time. As I fried the chicken breast in olive oil, I could hear the music playing in the background, but I realized it was the music from Guitar Hero TWO, not 3. When Bill got home, he was the first to play Guitar Hero 3.

There are three things about this that strike me, and they are this: One - Bill was the most honorable one of us three - he didn't want to do something that made him feel funny (as a parent this makes me feel REALLY good, and I pray he keeps that conscience his whole life), and two - Erik was very kind to let his little brother play first and three - I was not honorable, and that doesn't make me feel very good. I didn't exactly LIE, but I certainly didn't tell the truth, and that's probably just the same.

Thank you, Bill, for being you - I love you fiercely. Thank you, Erik, for giving your little brother a break - he looks up to you so much. And thank you, Universe, for giving me yet another opportunity to see how my actions affect me and the world around me. Maybe next time I will choose something different. I sincerely hope so.