turning on a dime

The weather's doing it - starting with a beautifully clear blue sky, slight breeze (okay, a slightly MORE than slight breeze), but still I'm able to walk to school to pick Bill up. It remains clear at 6 for basketball practice, but we take the car. Then we hear that a blizzard's moved in in the last hour. I don't believe it until I go outside and see 4 inches of snow. Turn on a dime. What was clear is now obscured, just like how I've been feeling on my insides. The strangest sensation is of being FAT. Well, not fat exactly, but bigger, more bulky, heavier, having more density, but I weigh exactly the same. And Melissa feels the same way, as does Maggie. We went bowling yesterday (I won with a 137, pulled it out right at the end, not that I'm competitive or anything), and my knees hurt SO much, even today they're sore when I squat down. And I know I have good knees. Maggie's knees hurt, too. She mentioned that a friend of hers simply told her "higher ups" that she doesn't want the nausea anymore (we're all still feeling pretty queasy, which has been explained to me as feeling like you're on a merry-go-round energy-wise), but we're all wondering if we can do that, and what it means if we do. Will it mean that we are opting out of this energy round, and then we fall behind, and have to catch up at a later time? Is it like accepting drugs in labor, so that you still have the child but don't feel so much pain?

I don't know the answers to any of it - I just know that I've been feeling really crabby lately, for no apparent reason. I want something to shift, to move, to get me off the mark. I feel like I've just been WAITING for something for a really long long time, and I want to get the party started. I hear about all of these things that are coming - amazing, spectacular, miraculous, the answer to all of my wildest dreams, and I just say, "Well, we'll just see when we see," and continue on with my life.

Great news - I got a working printer. It's been almost 6 months, and you wouldn't think it was a big deal, but it totally is - I'm 100% functional (well, computer-wise speaking, anyway), so I got to print out 75 pages of Dad's letters today. I feel so organized, and THAT'S a really good feeling. I got two e-mails from two separate people both with the subject "help." And the e-mails were right next to each other. Now what are the odds of that happening? And I'm glad I can help people, and I'm glad we're all in this together, and I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. It really seems to help by lessening my schedule - just doing the most necessary things, but still making a list of everything I need to accomplish for the day, broken down into little pieces. But still ... I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'll really be glad when this intense energy time is through - I don't know when that will be, but my instincts tell me somewhere around the first of the year. Are you in the first wave? Are you feeling anything? What helps you? Being with my family, close to home, really feels good and comfortable, so that's what I'm choosing to do. Oh yeah, and cooking Carolina Soup helps, too.