couldn't happen in a billion years

Mags and I and Tommy went to Taste of India yesterday (yum) and sat at a table next to a sweet-looking older couple. Toward the end of lunch the woman turned to me and asked if I lived in Bismarck, as she had overheard us talking about it. I told her I was FROM Bismarck, but that I visited often as my parents lived there. She was a chemistry professor at the U of Mary, and knew my childhood friend Steph, and had even read about Brian in "Scientific News." Small world, huh?

We bonded so much that at the end of lunch she said, "My name's Christina, and this is my husband Panjip (sp)." I looked at her, cocked my head, did some fast figuring in my head and said, "Are you selling you house up on Saddleback Pass?" Her jaw dropped. Now, if you've never seen someone's jaw drop, it goes something like this: get a blank stare, open your mouth, then be unable to close your mouth. She just stared at me. "You called me two weeks ago because I'd sent you an e-mail about your house. I was the one that was going to come look at it tomorrow." Jaw drop, followed by LOUD laughter from both of them. "What are the chances... it's impossible... how could it be."

Mags just laughed. "Are you even surprised?" I asked Mags. "Of course not, Susie," she answered smoothly. So I looked on houses.com and found a beautiful house in north Bismarck (don't worry - I don't think we're moving there, just exploring options), and e-mailed the owner. She phoned to talk and see if I wanted to come look at it. I took her name (Christina) and phone number and said I'd call. Now Christina sits next to me at the Indian restaurant in Fargo, here on vacation with her husband just to eat good food, and we find each other, out of all the restaurants, times and days. AND I figure out it was the same Christina. So odd. So odd. I sit here, yet again, not being able to figure out the WHYS of the incident, but firmly convinced there is a bigger reason behind everything - this stuff can't just happen, can it? I don't think so.

Mom's in the hospital again, after being in for two weeks and released for a few days. She developed a cough while there, and had trouble breathing. Peggy's there now, and I go after I speak at Madison all day today for their author's day. She said yesterday they think it's congestive heart failure (again). I don't have a good feeling about all of this, but it's such a hard thing. I wish for her to die fast, at home, not slowly at home, or in the hospital at all. I don't know how Dad's going to step up even more for what's increasingly required of him, so I try to arrange my schedule to stay down there as much as possible these next weeks and months. There's still this strange part of me that doesn't think she'll ever die. How can that be? When faced with Captain Obvious? I know, I know, the river in Egypt - de Nile. Whatever. Make all sorts of jokes but the fact is I'm having trouble with the practical knowledge that my mom isn't going to be on this earthly plane that much longer, and I haven't lost a mother in this lifetime, so I don't know what it will be like. My favorite thing is to call her and say, "Hi Mommy," really cheery, when she answers. I won't be able to do that anymore. How selfish of me just to want to be able to call her and hear her voice. Could she ever get healthy and live forever? Couldn't happen in a billion years... so I sit with the peace that this world isn't the whole enchilada, it's probably only the cheese on top, and that love goes on, and Mom and I are always together, because there's love. I know she's with me, even now as I'm typing, because when you strip everything down to the basics, there's only One, and in that place, we're all always together. This I now for sure.