kissing Davy Jones

ah, these wild dreams. I kissed Davy Jones (on the cheek, thank you). He looked just like he did in the late 60's, circa "The Monkees," etc. Dark hair, dark eyes, short, but oh, so cute - you just wanted to pinch his cheeks. I was probably taller than he was, even when I was 12, in the height of my infatuation. Marilyn Ives and I would play "girlfriends" in the basement at 912, preening in front of the mirror for hours, getting ready for our dates. Mine (of course) was Davy Jones, Marilyn's dreamboat? Elvis Presley. I couldn't see the attraction, but probably neither could she for Davy Jones.

Why Davy Jones? Remember the President of the United States liked me (not George W. - this other President was dark, tall, and really kind of cute). These dreams, these dreams. Kari says if you dream of a childhood sweetheart you're overwhelmed in the present moment, and are hearkening toward simpler times. Uh, that could be, let me see... overwhelmed right now? I'm not overworked, to be sure, but I still feel tired a lot, and can't get up much enthusiasm for much of anything, like I'm walking around in a dream. I told Kari today that I'll probably start grieving in the fall, after everything calms down. What does grieving mean, anyway? Aren't I just doing that right now, while I'm living? I don't think it's a separate thing from life, like religion or spirituality - okay, NOW I'll be a good person and go to church. No, you LIVE your spirituality, your LIFE is your religion, or a mirror of who you are. Maybe that's what these times are about - mirroring who I am back to me. Then who in the world is that? Someone's who taken of a lot of people in her life, and is now feeling a little tired, worn out, like a shell that's been scooped pretty clean of its inside meat. What do I need, then (besides obviously kissing Davy Jones?), right now? Cooking and baking soothes me, as well as decluttering and reading and watching movies. Spending time with Bill and Kari. Not much else. I look forward to having a lot of enthusiasm again, of being effervescent. I feel more like flat club soda at the moment, not that you could really tell, as I can muster up a heck of a lot of enthusiasm for the required 5 or 10 minutes that you'd see me, but then I'd lapse back into silence. I just don't like anyone thinking I'm a sad sack, because I'm not. I'm just found a little deeper these days - you have to look a little harder to find me. Not that I'm hiding, mind you - just a little further back into myself.

The dreams? Sure they'll continue, and I'll look at them and think "huh" and I'm grateful I don't have to take the homeopathic "calms" anymore, but I sure am looking forward to the day when I can sleep a whole 9 hours without waking up at all. That will be nice. There are a lot of things I'm wondering about these days, but gosh, it will just have to wait for another day, won't it? In the meantime, we keep cleaning up the back yard in preparation for Trin and Melissa's wedding under Sam, our beautiful silver maple. They get married this Friday - how cool is that? 8.8.08? Another first for me...