walking proudly or being dragged...

it's up to us, but we're going anyway. I've been thinking about that these past few days, along with the amazing realization that there are still some people who don't seem to be going through any of these things that have been such a prevalent part of my life these past 5 years. Some insinuate that I make it all harder, some hint that they're more evolved than me, so it's easier for them, some worry that it hasn't started for them, some probably wonder what planet I'm from. This is what I think: I've been immersed and interested in this work for over 20 years - you could call it a passion, a quest, a hobby, but when you're passionate about something you spend time with it, so I've spent a LOT of time immersed in the spiritual world. So I'm interested in it - there are some people who aren't interested in it, or not tuned into it, or who don't use the same language I use, and that's all right. It doesn't mean that anyone's right or wrong, better or worse, just different. So when I know that we're all walking to this new place of being, that's just my opinion, but we don't seem to be able to stop the global process, we can only kick and scream and drag our feet, like kids not wanting to go to bed - "But Moooooooooom," we scream as she throws us over her shoulder and starts up the stairs. Really, all we do is tire ourselves out by making a scene, by trying to change the inevitable outcome - we know it's past our bedtime, and a part of us knows it's in our best interests to get to bed - heck, we even LOVE sleeping... once we get up there. It's just that whole switching from one activity into the next - the transition time that gets us, don't you think? I'm used to my life, and now I'm expected to just stay fluid and open from one moment to the next, not trying to control outcomes or keep things the same, and it's hard to do something different when I've done something my whole life (heck, for ALL of my lives, probably). So we're transitioning from the old into the new.

Are you kicking and screaming? Are you being dragged into the new? Are you walking proudly? Okay, admittedly I'm probably not walking PROUDLY, but I think I'm walking, probably, still probably bitching a little about the whole thing (why does it have to take so long, why does it have to be so intense, when will it be over --- ARE WE THERE YET???????????). So I think about releasing the old and just concentrating on walking, every day, every step, easily and unencumbered into the unknown, trusting that I'll have everything I need provided for me, and that I have everything inside of me to deal with the next step. I had a dream last night in which I thought I was going to die. At the moment of my death I had this thought - it's not so hard dying - just let go."

So that's what I'm doing right now - just letting go. We won't crash, we won't fall, we won't crumble - we will finally realize that all this time we could fly. And that's exactly what is called for at this time - being light enough to fly.