queasy

for the past three days. I'm thinking it's the new probiotics I'm taking, but John says he's sick, and there are odd bugs going around, so I get worried, then I think, "I have to trust. I just HAVE to. What other options are there?" I can worry, then get stressed then make everything harder, and what can anyone do about anything right now, anyway? It seems the only thing to do is lay low, get lots of rest, eat lightly and gently, take care of yourself. The queasiness? I feel a great separating right now, from those who have chosen the path of light, and those who choose otherwise. What's not the path of light? I don't know, but I sure as heck don't want to be on THAT ship when it sails! Imagine lifting up high off the ground - how do you feel? Surreal, dreamy, a little confused, queasy. Everything's getting swirled around, inside your head and inside the ground. Why? Maybe realigning everything to accommodate this new direction we're moving in.

I told Mags it's like having cold bath water. When you first put hot water into the tub, it feels uncomfortable because now part is hot and part is cold. You have to swirl the water around to get everything uniform. Same thing in our bodies as these new awarenesses keep coming to us. The pattern appears to be "I'm normal." Then "I feel funny." Then "I feel really great." Then back to just normal, then on to funny as the new stuff comes. And on and on. So what we might need to do is look at our pattern of how we go through things. Then when we feel a certain way, we can know that "Oh, THIS is where I am right now, then I'm going to be at this next place," and so on, so we get some sense of comfort from the unknown. Everyone goes through stuff differently, so it doesn't make much sense to say what I personally go through, as it probably won't make sense to you. I can only understand my unique process, and where am I right now? I think this stuff with Mom catapulted me up through a lot of levels, because I'm not reacting in quite the same ways to my life as I used to - I'm more neutral, less controlling (could it be?) of what's unfolding, trusting. That's the key word always - trust. When I feel funny somehow, whether it's a stab in my back, or a queasy stomach, or a heavy headache, I feel the worry think about creeping in, then I say to myself, "Is there anything I can do about this situation?" Sometimes there IS - I'm taking a B complex to replenish my body after the continued stresses of the past 6 weeks, I took zinc and some Oscillo tonight in case I DO have a bug. I'm going to bed early. Beyond those simple basic things of listening to my body, I realize that if I don't trust the process, it's going to be a VERY long and bumpy ride, and I'm just not up to that right now. So I'm letting someone else drive for a while, and I'm going to rest a little bit. It's a lot easier when you surrender to the All and let your beautiful life unfold itself instead of pushing it all the time. I only tend to mess things up when I do it that way.

Off to read some Harry Potter - I just KNOW Snape's still a good guy...