getting ready and letting go

I'm getting ready for something; I don't know quite what yet. I'm seeing everything through new eyes. Actually, that's how I've felt increasingly for the past two years, but this is a physical thing - whatever was in my old world that doesn't belong in my new world is being recycled, thrown out, or given away. What fits gets to stay, which fits my old mantra "what is true, remains." It's probably silly and redundant (you can say that again) to say this, but I never really quite realized how much "stuff" I own. I mean, I'm sure everyone could say that, but I really FEEL that. Every knick knack, every piece of extra china, every book, and CD on my shelf, every piece of paper - so much. Too much, really - it's weighing me down, so off it goes. It's all about letting go - the second part of my day today.

I'm the type of person that hangs on to things - memories, hurts, good feelings, people, sentimental things (those especially - family stuff - if you throw it out you're effectively throwing that PERSON out that it belonged to - seriously, it's what I think). But when you hang on to anything that shouldn't be hung onto, it becomes a weight on you, because now you have to carry it. Now, accumulate a whole lot of stuff to hold onto and you become paralyzed with stuff. It's like your computer that runs out of hard drive. Ironically, my old Apple says my hard drive is full, no matter what I delete. There's some deep symbolism in there somewhere. I'm hanging on to my mom and dad - I just don't want them to die. Either of them, ever, and that is the silliest thing I can ever type, but I'm honest when I type it, so I will. If I tentatively try to fast forward to the time when neither of them will be here, well, it's just too much for me. I don't possibly see how I could do it right now - not to have them? They're two of my best friends, two of the finest people I know. They're who I aspire to be. Why? Let me tell you five facts about each of my parents:

Mom:
1. She's a fighter - god, I want to be just like here - she just doesn't give up. Ever.
2. She's got a sense of humor - even in the hospital, she jokes with everyone that comes in.
3. She's grateful - she thanks Dad every time he brings her her pills or a glass of ice water, or rubs lotion on her feet.
4. She's generous - with her time and her things - she will talk to a friend who's having a bad day, even if she's tired, and gives college scholarships to local kids, only asking them to do the same for someone else later on.
5. She's trusting - even though she knows she's close to dying, she says, "I know it's a beautiful, warm, loving place that I'm going to - I'm not scared."

Dad:
1. He's a worker - yeah, he is - from his childhood years of catching minnows for pay to his adult years of working shifts running cameras when the cameramen were stranded in the blizzard to his later years of lovingly and selflessly taking care of Mom 24/7.
2. He's a Renaissance man - he taught himself how to program computers (back in the early 80's), to playing classical guitar, to violin, to piano, to art, to model airplanes. Where there's an interest, there's Bill.
3. He's interesting - he can talk to absolutely ANYBODY intelligently about anything and know what he's talking about.
4. He's loving - even when everyone else has turned their backs on someone, he's still standing there with his arms open, waiting to welcome them back, never judging or blaming.
5. He's patient - it can't be easy for Dad right now, but I have rarely seen him lose his temper. When I ask him about it, he says, "I'm just grateful for every day I get to spend with that woman."

So what is this about? I started on my things and my life, and ended with my love for my parents - both about getting ready and letting go, I'm thinking.