an imperfect 10

Not like the Bo Derek 10 (although her corn rows WERE smashin'), but like 10 as in pounds. They started creeping after Christmas, but understandable with those one daily cookies. Shame on me? Heck no - it's all good. It's just one cookie. But this past week, I noticed a 3 pound leap from Tuesday to Wednesday, and I hadn't eaten sugar for 2 weeks, and had cut my eating back to "normal." The biggest shock, however, comes this morning, as I ingested approximately 1400 calories yesterday, and GAINED a pound this morning. I'm not going to pretend that I understand this 10, but Steve said everyone at his work has mysteriously gained 10 pounds recently, as did Vicky in Minneapolis and all of HER friends. Several here in town have said the same thing. I might think that the campaign stress has done it - produced more cortisol or toxins, which then need more water to protect my organs, hence the fact that all of my clothes still fit perfectly, and I look the same in the mirror.

What is this monstrosity about? Karen Bishop from www.whatsuponplanetearth.com talked about it in her last energy alert. She put forth the idea that our bodies NEED the extra weight to house all of the new energies, but then I'm thinking, "Man, I must have a LOT of new energies to need this extra 10 pounds." You see - it's not as if I'm this skinny little pick that will float away on the slightest breeze. No, I'm a solid 6'1" Amazon that scares some short men (I don't mean to, really), so I don't especially appreciate the extra poundage. So I'm not going to weigh myself for a month, watch what I eat, drink plenty of water, get my walkies in, and get lots of sleep. Melissa doesn't ever weigh herself, and she's got the build of a teenager (in a good way), so maybe I can take some cues from her. It's just that my fat side whispers in my ear, "Yeah, good idea - don't weigh yourself - then you won't see those pounds creeping up on you," so I don't know what to do today. I'm competitive, and I like to see those numbers going down (sort of like Mark on The Biggest Loser), but Bill says I worry too much, that it's stress, Vicky says I should drink more water and breathe, and be sure I'm not taking on anyone else's energy, Steve says I look the same.

So I say I've gained 10 pounds, maybe it's just a temporary loan for some reason. Do I trust? Can I just let this go? Do I need to step back from the intense campaigning after the convention? Hopefully yes yes yes. This is just a touch too intense, this campaign manager stuff - just when I think it's done, something else comes up and Steve looks at me to do it. But I'm done now - the last postcards are addressed and stamped, the last e-mail ready to go out. The rest, as they say, is history. No more anxiety coursing through my veins (if you've ever felt this rush of chemicals, you know what I mean - not a pleasant feeling) as I go through my list of to-dos. Don't get me wrong - I want to help my husband, but it's this old crap of taking everything on, of thinking it has to be done MY way (although MY way HAS been working spectacularly on this campaign, along with Steve's visionining), of obsessing about things -over and over and over and... It may be a good time to change that pattern, let most of it go. I'm done, remember? The convention is all set to go. Except for ordering those 100 signs, and getting workers for Friday evening, and...

Just watch - on April 19th I'll weigh myself and report back here. You'll be the first to hear (yeah, like we even CARE that much, but still - it's important somehow in this universal scheme of things, isn't it? Maybe you've gained that 10, too, an am a little worried about it, too - now you know you're not alone). Does it matter at all? Yes and no. Probably right now a little more yes than no, if I'm to be totally honest. And that's what I always strive to be.

Wow - it's snowing. I just looked out Kari's window, and big beautiful flakes are falling heavily and fast. Beautiful. I know we hope for spring, and it's almost felt like summer these past few days, but there's just something about that snow... spring WILL come, but in the meantime, go outside and make a snowman and have one last snowball fight. I'm going to. "Hey, Bill..."