inside and out

Generally, typically, and most of the time, Susie, it's those who consider themselves to be the least spiritually mature who are the most, and vice versa.
Holy cow,
The Universe

That's the thought of the day from the Universe (found on tut.com - check it out), and it's got me thinking about so many things. I'm thinking about Client Number 9 and the 22 year old call girl. I'm thinking about what CN9 stood for, how others were angered at his high and mightiness when it came to ethics. I'm thinking about the $80,000 he spent on call girls last year, I'm thinking about his wife, standing by his side looking tired and in shock. I'm thinking about the 22 year old girl's mother (I have a 22 year old, so the mother and I are probably close to the same age). I'm thinking about the energy behind standing on a soapbox and telling everybody about how holy and spiritual and good you are. I'm thinking about the hundreds (maybe thousands) of clients I've spoken with that don't think they're as spiritual as other people for any number of reasons, only to have me tell them ALL of the beautiful ways they ARE highly spiritual (one of them being what I call practical spirituality - it's more important to just LIVE your spirituality than to talk about it or convince others of how spiritual you are). So I sit here this morning thinking about karma - it was even the point of one of Bill's cartoons last night, as the poor boy refused to give $3 to a save-the-kitty fund, and all sorts of horrible stuff kept happening to him. His friend explained karma to him like this: "You do something bad, something bad happens to you. You do something good, and something good happens to you." I don't know if it's that simple, but I DO believe in the concept of karma as a universal balancing phenomenon. If you lean too far too the right, the left HAS to come at you to help you return to the middle again.

How am I hypocritical in my own life? Do I spend time TELLING others about how spiritual I am, rather than just living it? Do I act like I'm spiritual, then do mean things behind closed doors? (Okay, for the record - the other night I was TIRED when I said that thing to Steve - you'd understand if you were there) I sincerely try to walk that middle road between listening to what I'm saying and weighing it against my actions. I think the Universe just bites you in the butt otherwise, and I've had that happen plenty of times to know it's true for me. So the Universe says, "those who are the most spiritual are those who don't consider themselves to be, and vice versa." They're the ones down in the trenches, just doing it, while others are speaking ABOUT it. I remember hearing from a VERY wealthy person once that a friend of hers had just lost her husband to a really sad disease (okay, I guess they're ALL sad, but the fact that he died was sad, I guess). Then she found out she had to have all of her teeth worked on for some reason, and it would cost thousands of dollars. This wealthy friend then proceeded to tell me about how brave her friend was, and how faithful, and how she prayed and never lost her faith, and all I could think of was, "You've got millions of dollars - why don't you just PAY for your friend's teeth?" because that's what I would've done. Now I border on that soapbox thing as I say that I've anonymously sent several friends money for things over the years, without any expectation of being paid back. A friend needed a procedure to find out why she couldn't get pregnant, another, well, I can't write anymore because they're all current friends, then they'd know it was me, and that kind of negates the anonymity concept, doesn't it?

It doesn't matter, none of this really matters, except that it's brought up to me over and over again, so I'm paying attention. This concept of karma and balancing our insides with our outsides, making sure we're conscientious enough to keep them relatively balanced. It's only when they get unbalanced that the Universe seems to sweep in and bring the balance, no matter the consequences. And if we've let it go on too long, this imbalance, the more people seem to get hurt, and the harsher the outcome. I don't especially like those times, so I'm thinking about all of that today. Today I want to let go of expectations, resentments, past hurts and memories ("Why should I help when they never helped me?" kind of thoughts), and ask myself this: "Who am I today? Who am I right now? Am I living who I am and say I am right now?" That may be a good Secret to hear and think about. And I'm sending love to Client Number 9, and his wife, and the 22 year old girl, and anybody else affected by this difficult karmic event.