let there be peace on earth

and let it begin with me. I drove home from Minneapolis just in time to drive over to Concordia and hear Greg Mortenson speak. He's the subject of "Three Cups of Tea," which has been number one on New York Time's Bestseller list for I think 51 weeks or so. An amazing book - I am humbled, awed, and inspired, to say the least. I had to sit WAY in the back, as I got there late (too late to have him sign a book for Dad, who really wanted to come, but couldn't leave Mom), and by the time it was over and we made our way out, there was already a throng of people around him, so I didn't think I could go meet him then, either.

He was a shy man, a quiet man, and totally didn't look like the type of man that would have done all the things he's done - climbing Mount Kilaminjaro at age 11, building 65 schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan, getting kidnapped for 8 days, getting interrogated by the CIA, and on it goes. He lives in Bozeman with his wife and two children, so hopefully we'll get the chance to pop in and say hey the next time we're on our way to Missoula.

His whole point is that education will end the hatred and violence, and especially education of girls, because they're the ones that raise the children to become peaceful, they're the one that can encourage compassion and acceptance. And I agree. It all makes me feel like I'm not doing enough in my life to make a difference in the world. Mags and I were talking about that this morning - how we feel like we're treading water, not getting enough (or anything) done, of feeling stagnant. Maybe we have too high expectations for our lives? Maybe what we think is important really isn't that important, and we need to sit down and do some re-evaluating? Maybe it's time just to rest for a while and not run around wildly so much? I don't know. I know that raising Bill takes a lot of time and energy, as does raising the rest of the kids, for that matter. No matter how old they are, they're still your kids. And I know that being Steve's campaign manager is taking up a lot of my energy, as well as helping Mom and Dad. But when I think about all of the things I want to do, and am not doing, I wonder if that's a good thing.

Then I think that all of these things that are taking my time and energy have a time limit to them. And everything continues to change and evolve. Nothing is the same today as it will be tomorrow, I know that from experience. So why do I feel this deep frustration that I'm supposed to be doing something more than I'm doing right now, and I don't know what that is. So I suppose the only thing I can do is surrender to the Greater, and just say this simple prayer: "Use me as you think best. Show me the way that I should walk. Give me direction and energy for my greater Work. I will wait patiently."

So, patiently (well, sort of) I sit here today, looking around at my cluttered and messy house, thinking I should clean, tidy up, make things perfect, but feeling tired after my travels, only wanting to rest, but still feeling restless, restless. If Greg Mortenson can travel halfway around the world and build 65 schools, what in the heck am I doing? I don't know. But until I DO know, I'll strive to remain peaceful about it all, until I get my next assignment.