4 summers ago my friend Paulette and I went out to Ashland Oregon for the Psychic Kid's Conference. While there we listened to a sweet little boy named Nicholas Tschene from Canada. Well, we didn't hear him speak because he's severely limited physically, in a wheelchair and able to communicate telepathically through his equally sweet mother, who had no previous dealings in this whole phenomenon. He writes beautiful poetry and stories, and I was so impressed with his presence. The conference ended, and we got to the airport around 5:30AM. Much to my surprise, Nicholas and his mom and dad were in the line next to us. I ran over there and told his mom how much I had enjoyed hearing them speak. Then I looked into Nicholas's eyes. I can't quite explain what happened, but everything fell away, and I felt some energy transfer. I know we talked about a lot of things between the two of us, but I can't remember anything. I just remember feeling like I could FEEL God's love through Nicholas's eyes. His mother looked at me and said, "Nicholas says you have beautiful eyes." I started crying, and could just nod.
When I got back to Fargo I sent Nicholas all of the children's books that I've written, and also some money to help with his extensive medical expenses. His mom called once, 3 summers ago, and we talked for over an hour. Over the years I've thought about him, and have gone to his website to look at what he's been up to. A few weeks ago, I really thought about him, and went onto his website to read some of his writings and connect a little. Well, last night I received an e-mail from his mom. She told me that a few weeks ago Nicholas kept waking up in the morning with a smile on his face. Finally she asked him why. He told her he'd been visiting me at night, and mentioned me by my full name. He said we had such fun, and he loved spending time with me because I was so much fun. She had more to tell me, but was going on vacation so would e-mail later.
I know all of that is possible, because I feel it - whenever I think about one of these kids (especially - the Psychic Kids are unbelievable in what they know and what they can do), they're right there in "front" of me to talk to, answer questions, figure things out. But somehow the fact that I think I actually "felt" Nicholas there with me, because I was led to go to his website after a couple years, well, that makes it all feel more real. It's not that I don't believe it's possible, because I really DO believe in miraculous things (see my blog on the Bill and the prize-winning trout), but it just tickles me to hear stories like this.
If you want to check out sweet Nicholas's website, it's www.friendsofnicholas.com. It all still humbles and flabbergasts me, this whole journey, and finding out what's possible. I'm still working on staying present, staying grateful, and letting everything petty or silly or low just drop. I send people who are hurting me love and support, so they'll feel it and be happier. I continue to take responsibility for my life, doing what I need to do, and saying what I need to say. It's not always easy, because I hate hurting people's feelings, and my feelings get hurt pretty easily, but when you can see things clearly, see the WHOLE picture, not just what presents itself down here, you see there's a lot more happening than meets the eye. That's what I'm interested in living in - the world that's BEYOND this limited physical experience. That is where the magic is, and Nicholas certainly inhabits that magical land.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Hands of Love
I wrote this story for Mom and Dad over 2 years ago, the last time we almost lost her. I want people to read it, to understand the beauty and miracle of what happened, so here it is. It's a beautiful day of hunkering down and getting stuff finished. I started out wearing a beautiful sleeveless sundress, but have now changed into a warmer long-sleever jersey dress - is it summer yet?
Hands of Love
By William and Marietta Ekberg
It wasn’t unusual that we were still playing cards at 11:30 at night. It also wasn’t unusual that I was getting beat, pretty soundly. What is unusual, however, is that my wife, her hand reaching for her chest, is mumbling a few words before she slowly and gently starts slumping forward. I have enough time to reach her head before it hits the table. I worry about that – I’ve heard it’s not so bad that people faint, but that they usually hit their heads on something on the way down, and that’s what causes real damage. I gently hold her head while I talk to her. I ask her what’s wrong, should I call 911, but she doesn’t answer. Her eyes are closed, and it looks like she’s sleeping. But I know she’s not.
I call 911. Luckily we keep our cordless phone within reach at all times. It’s hard for Marietta to get around anywhere fast these days; with two artificial hips, a pacemaker, and poor circulation due to her diabetes. The closer we keep the phone, the better the chances that we’ll get to it before the answering machine picks up.
With the ambulance and the police on the way, I look back at her. She’s so beautiful, with her wavy salt and pepper hair, her soft face and wrinkles that tell everything about her. All the laughing, the kissing, the worrying. Raising five daughters to adulthood wasn’t easy, but she’d always wanted a big family, and was thrilled when they kept coming, and coming. She’s been sick before, and we’d almost lost her a year ago when her heart medicines got messed up.
When her irregular heartbeat first started giving her trouble, the doctors said to watch it for two hours. If it didn’t even out, we were supposed to go to the ER because it can be dangerous if it goes on too long. It helped when I put my hands on her back and chest. If it didn’t get better, we would go to the ER. Usually she was low on potassium or there would be some kind of imbalance that called for medical attention. For those times, it didn’t seem like my hands could help.
We joke that sometimes I’m better than any doctor’s machines because when her heart starts beating irregularly my hand on her back will often even it out again. The nurses didn’t believe us at first, but when we were in the doctor’s office one day, with Marietta hooked up, the nurse walked in and said, “What happened?”
“I put my hands on her back; that sometimes helps her heart.” We look at the monitor. Regular as clockwork.
The nurse says, “Take your hands away, then put them back.” So I do. Regular slides into irregular then back to regular. Regular as clockwork. The nurse said “Wow.”
I think she’s dead. I don’t know what I’ll do if she dies right now, here with her head in my hands. I’m not ready. So as I hold her I whisper, “Please don’t die. Please don’t die.” On until I hear the ambulance siren and see their lights flashing through the front windows. I think she’s dead. And I don’t know what else to do but kneel here beside her, her head in my hands, and whisper to her.
I don’t remember exactly what happened. I remember feeling two little flutters in my chest, and I remember trying to say something, but I don’t remember anything after that. I only know that as I come to, I know I’m still alive, and I can feel his hands on my face, healing me. I smile. My first thought is, “So THIS is what healing feels like. This is what it looks like.” It is warm and soft and comforting and bright. Total, utter, complete peace. It is quiet, and I am alone, but I’m not alone. And familiar. So familiar. I know he is healing me, so I sit quietly and just let the warmth soak into me. There is only peace; I am surrounded in love.
I’ve felt tired lately. So tired. I can hardly walk. And dizzy. I always feel dizzy. My youngest daughter said something wasn’t right with me, the last time she visited. She knows about things like that, so I listen, but what am I supposed to do about it?
I’m 83, and all sorts of things are slowing down, or even quitting. But I love my life. I love my husband, and my daughters, and my grandchildren, all 18 of them. I don’t think I’m ready to go yet, but you just never know. I think when it’s your time, it’s your time, so I don’t worry too much about it. I wake up every morning, and look over at my husband and think, “Thank God for one more day.”
I hear the police come in, followed by the ambulance workers. I open my eyes and smile at Bill. I still can’t talk, can’t put into words what’s happened, but when I look into his damp eyes, I know that he knows, and we don’t need words for that.
It takes more than an hour for everyone to do what they need to do. They load me onto the stretcher and put me in the ambulance. Bill can’t ride with me, so he follows close behind in his own car. When they finally get me hooked up to the heart monitor, I lay back in bed and close my eyes. It’s almost 2AM and I’m tired, even if I usually stay up this late. This is different. I feel Bill sit down on the chair by the bed, and feel his big, warm hand take mine.
When morning comes a technician checks my pacemaker to see if it is still working, they also analyze its memory. They are amazed at what is revealed. The data shows that I went through 7 ½ minutes of v-tac, or ventrical tachycardia. For 7 ½ minutes my heart was beating at 400 beats per minute.
“The other doctors need to see this,” he says to the nurses. “They’ll never believe it.” I’ve had close to a ventricular fibrillation, and people don’t come back after one of those. They usually don’t. They usually die. They don’t come back. But I did. And I don’t know why. I only know that tonight a miracle happened, and I was there, and Bill was there, and it was real.
I wonder why me, what special reason is there, what’s left for me to do here on Earth? Maybe it’s just to tell this story. It’s a story about love, and about hope, and about faith, and believing in things unseen. And I believe. I really do.
I love my wife. I would do anything for her. I’m glad she’s alive, and I’m glad I could help. I don’t talk about this much, because some people don’t believe it. But I do, and she does, and some of the doctors do. But all that really matters is this: love is powerful, and healing, and when love is present, so are miracles.
So this is my story. And her story. This is our story.
Note: since Marietta’s heart incident, she has noticed many other interesting side effects of the healing. Her blood sugar levels have regulated, she sleeps much more soundly, and best of all, she reports, she’s almost never late anymore!
Susie's Note: Since then, we almost lost Mom again 1 1/2 months ago - she was hospitalized in a diabetic coma, followed by a mild heart attack, but miraculously survived to go home to her beautiful river townhome with a gentle breeze and a lot of sun. She moves slower, and gets out of breath pretty easily, but she's still alive, and we're all very grateful for the precious extra time with her.
Hands of Love
By William and Marietta Ekberg
It wasn’t unusual that we were still playing cards at 11:30 at night. It also wasn’t unusual that I was getting beat, pretty soundly. What is unusual, however, is that my wife, her hand reaching for her chest, is mumbling a few words before she slowly and gently starts slumping forward. I have enough time to reach her head before it hits the table. I worry about that – I’ve heard it’s not so bad that people faint, but that they usually hit their heads on something on the way down, and that’s what causes real damage. I gently hold her head while I talk to her. I ask her what’s wrong, should I call 911, but she doesn’t answer. Her eyes are closed, and it looks like she’s sleeping. But I know she’s not.
I call 911. Luckily we keep our cordless phone within reach at all times. It’s hard for Marietta to get around anywhere fast these days; with two artificial hips, a pacemaker, and poor circulation due to her diabetes. The closer we keep the phone, the better the chances that we’ll get to it before the answering machine picks up.
With the ambulance and the police on the way, I look back at her. She’s so beautiful, with her wavy salt and pepper hair, her soft face and wrinkles that tell everything about her. All the laughing, the kissing, the worrying. Raising five daughters to adulthood wasn’t easy, but she’d always wanted a big family, and was thrilled when they kept coming, and coming. She’s been sick before, and we’d almost lost her a year ago when her heart medicines got messed up.
When her irregular heartbeat first started giving her trouble, the doctors said to watch it for two hours. If it didn’t even out, we were supposed to go to the ER because it can be dangerous if it goes on too long. It helped when I put my hands on her back and chest. If it didn’t get better, we would go to the ER. Usually she was low on potassium or there would be some kind of imbalance that called for medical attention. For those times, it didn’t seem like my hands could help.
We joke that sometimes I’m better than any doctor’s machines because when her heart starts beating irregularly my hand on her back will often even it out again. The nurses didn’t believe us at first, but when we were in the doctor’s office one day, with Marietta hooked up, the nurse walked in and said, “What happened?”
“I put my hands on her back; that sometimes helps her heart.” We look at the monitor. Regular as clockwork.
The nurse says, “Take your hands away, then put them back.” So I do. Regular slides into irregular then back to regular. Regular as clockwork. The nurse said “Wow.”
I think she’s dead. I don’t know what I’ll do if she dies right now, here with her head in my hands. I’m not ready. So as I hold her I whisper, “Please don’t die. Please don’t die.” On until I hear the ambulance siren and see their lights flashing through the front windows. I think she’s dead. And I don’t know what else to do but kneel here beside her, her head in my hands, and whisper to her.
I don’t remember exactly what happened. I remember feeling two little flutters in my chest, and I remember trying to say something, but I don’t remember anything after that. I only know that as I come to, I know I’m still alive, and I can feel his hands on my face, healing me. I smile. My first thought is, “So THIS is what healing feels like. This is what it looks like.” It is warm and soft and comforting and bright. Total, utter, complete peace. It is quiet, and I am alone, but I’m not alone. And familiar. So familiar. I know he is healing me, so I sit quietly and just let the warmth soak into me. There is only peace; I am surrounded in love.
I’ve felt tired lately. So tired. I can hardly walk. And dizzy. I always feel dizzy. My youngest daughter said something wasn’t right with me, the last time she visited. She knows about things like that, so I listen, but what am I supposed to do about it?
I’m 83, and all sorts of things are slowing down, or even quitting. But I love my life. I love my husband, and my daughters, and my grandchildren, all 18 of them. I don’t think I’m ready to go yet, but you just never know. I think when it’s your time, it’s your time, so I don’t worry too much about it. I wake up every morning, and look over at my husband and think, “Thank God for one more day.”
I hear the police come in, followed by the ambulance workers. I open my eyes and smile at Bill. I still can’t talk, can’t put into words what’s happened, but when I look into his damp eyes, I know that he knows, and we don’t need words for that.
It takes more than an hour for everyone to do what they need to do. They load me onto the stretcher and put me in the ambulance. Bill can’t ride with me, so he follows close behind in his own car. When they finally get me hooked up to the heart monitor, I lay back in bed and close my eyes. It’s almost 2AM and I’m tired, even if I usually stay up this late. This is different. I feel Bill sit down on the chair by the bed, and feel his big, warm hand take mine.
When morning comes a technician checks my pacemaker to see if it is still working, they also analyze its memory. They are amazed at what is revealed. The data shows that I went through 7 ½ minutes of v-tac, or ventrical tachycardia. For 7 ½ minutes my heart was beating at 400 beats per minute.
“The other doctors need to see this,” he says to the nurses. “They’ll never believe it.” I’ve had close to a ventricular fibrillation, and people don’t come back after one of those. They usually don’t. They usually die. They don’t come back. But I did. And I don’t know why. I only know that tonight a miracle happened, and I was there, and Bill was there, and it was real.
I wonder why me, what special reason is there, what’s left for me to do here on Earth? Maybe it’s just to tell this story. It’s a story about love, and about hope, and about faith, and believing in things unseen. And I believe. I really do.
I love my wife. I would do anything for her. I’m glad she’s alive, and I’m glad I could help. I don’t talk about this much, because some people don’t believe it. But I do, and she does, and some of the doctors do. But all that really matters is this: love is powerful, and healing, and when love is present, so are miracles.
So this is my story. And her story. This is our story.
Note: since Marietta’s heart incident, she has noticed many other interesting side effects of the healing. Her blood sugar levels have regulated, she sleeps much more soundly, and best of all, she reports, she’s almost never late anymore!
Susie's Note: Since then, we almost lost Mom again 1 1/2 months ago - she was hospitalized in a diabetic coma, followed by a mild heart attack, but miraculously survived to go home to her beautiful river townhome with a gentle breeze and a lot of sun. She moves slower, and gets out of breath pretty easily, but she's still alive, and we're all very grateful for the precious extra time with her.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
not as it appears
Everything is not as it appears. Well, the higher frequencies are real, because that's all there really is anymore, but the rest of this sludge and junk - yuck, is all I can say. I can feel it course through me, wanting release, as someone does something today that really pissed me off. I mean, I'm really angry, and I want to take the high road, so I've decided not to confront her, but gosh, I'm angry. It's so unfair, she's being junior highish, on and on, and I smile, and take a breath, and realize that it's all about the lower energies passing through, and probably using her to help me move through it all. SHE must really be feeling miserable if she's acting out.
If nothing low is real, then it becomes a little easier to weather this current energy that's moving through us right now. What energy is that? It doesn't swirl you, no, that would be easy to acclimate to, around and around. No, this energy swishes in from one direction, then whooshes from a completely different direction so you can't anticipate your next move. Why? So we can remain present and prepared for whatever comes our way. It's impossible to be prepared if you're always living in the future, planning on what you'll do "if." Most of the "ifs" never come to be - it's mostly futile. What's powerful? To just stay - neutral - without judgment - detached - in the present moment - with love and openness and gratitude.
So I sit here watching the cloudy sky and feeling the cold wind and plan on taking the rest of the evening to stay gentle and calm. I replace my crabby thoughts with loving thoughts of friends laughing and gathering, of hugs and good talks, of abundance and unconditional support. Now THAT'S real, I know. The rest of this stuff? Good-bye good-bye, there's no room for you anymore. On and on until 7.7.07 when the climax comes. What is it? Who knows? Nobody that I know of - I think it has to do with a big passing through into the higher frequencies where the lower stuff can't abide. So now's the swan dance of the lower frequencies - they know they're on the way out, and want to make a grand exit. So we watch and wait and clap when that curtain comes down, knowing that an exciting next act is coming right up (I wonder if there'll be time to go outside for a bottled water?) Hah.
I'm gathering friends, and so far have over 40 down for a big barbecue. There will be more parties - oh yes - have no fear - for now, these are families with kids who are Bill's age. The next one will probably be another Goddess Gathering - there are over 200 of them right now - now that's a lot of goddesses. I love friends, I love gathering, and I think it's a really important thing to focus on right now, in the midst of all the change. What can we count on? Each other, in an unconditional, accepting state - hey, none of us are perfect (as in no faults), but we're all perfect, as in, just the way we are. Can't we all just get along? I think so. I hope so. I pray so.
If nothing low is real, then it becomes a little easier to weather this current energy that's moving through us right now. What energy is that? It doesn't swirl you, no, that would be easy to acclimate to, around and around. No, this energy swishes in from one direction, then whooshes from a completely different direction so you can't anticipate your next move. Why? So we can remain present and prepared for whatever comes our way. It's impossible to be prepared if you're always living in the future, planning on what you'll do "if." Most of the "ifs" never come to be - it's mostly futile. What's powerful? To just stay - neutral - without judgment - detached - in the present moment - with love and openness and gratitude.
So I sit here watching the cloudy sky and feeling the cold wind and plan on taking the rest of the evening to stay gentle and calm. I replace my crabby thoughts with loving thoughts of friends laughing and gathering, of hugs and good talks, of abundance and unconditional support. Now THAT'S real, I know. The rest of this stuff? Good-bye good-bye, there's no room for you anymore. On and on until 7.7.07 when the climax comes. What is it? Who knows? Nobody that I know of - I think it has to do with a big passing through into the higher frequencies where the lower stuff can't abide. So now's the swan dance of the lower frequencies - they know they're on the way out, and want to make a grand exit. So we watch and wait and clap when that curtain comes down, knowing that an exciting next act is coming right up (I wonder if there'll be time to go outside for a bottled water?) Hah.
I'm gathering friends, and so far have over 40 down for a big barbecue. There will be more parties - oh yes - have no fear - for now, these are families with kids who are Bill's age. The next one will probably be another Goddess Gathering - there are over 200 of them right now - now that's a lot of goddesses. I love friends, I love gathering, and I think it's a really important thing to focus on right now, in the midst of all the change. What can we count on? Each other, in an unconditional, accepting state - hey, none of us are perfect (as in no faults), but we're all perfect, as in, just the way we are. Can't we all just get along? I think so. I hope so. I pray so.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
yikes
Oh my oh my, I'm crabby today, and I don't really know why. Do you ever feel like you're just ready to crawl out of your skin, and nothing feels right anymore, and you want to just start all over, like it's just too much right now? I tuned in, and got the message that when we feel this way it means we're on the edge of breaking into a new place, and it's a really good sign that we've integrated all that we need to at this present point and are ready for the next step. So I think, "Well, then THAT'S good, but what can I do now?" So, I hate to admit it, but I did a little on-line retail therapy; justifiably I'd picked out this pair of red shoes over 2 months ago, and had them saved on my cart at Zappo's, but still... I guess I didn't have to BUY them today, but somehow the thought of bright red shoes on my feet lifted my spirits a little. Hey, I believe in color therapy, don't you?
Melissa's feeling the same way, and that makes me feel a little better, like I'm not alone in all of this. I just get frustrated sometimes when I'm honest about my ups and downs, and some people I know are like, "What's the big deal? You must not be very spiritual or this would be a piece of cake," and I think maybe we all just need to be honest with each other; drop our masks and facades and just let ourselves BE, whether it's crabby or happy or optimistic or sad. When we accept ourselves right where we are, that's where the enlightenment is experienced - just to be able to sit right smack in the middle of our messy lives and be okay with it and ourselves. So I look at my life right this second - Bill's playing Guitar Hero (that game makes me REALLY happy), Erik's in the front room playing "Crazy on You" on his guitar, and Steve and Jordan are out golfing 9 holes. The sun is warm and the wind is that perfect, slightly cool, slightly ruffling sort. I have no worries that are pressing on me right at this second, and I can honestly release the past and future thoughts, just for this one moment. And in doing that, I feel a lot more breathing room all around me.
I miss people, I miss my friends, and connecting with groups, so I'm making it my goal for the rest of the summer to gather my friends any time I can - backyard barbecues, impromptu drop-ins to my house, dinners out - I don't care, I just want to be with my friends. I'm also making a list of all those people I really like, and would like to get together with more - I think active planning is pretty necessary when I can get caught up in my family/home/work obligations. Don't get me wrong - those 3 things are VERY important to me, but ALSO important are my friends, and how I feel when I'm with them - larger than normal, and just a touch happier. So - here's to good friends, here's to connecting, and here's to staying present to our lives.
Melissa's feeling the same way, and that makes me feel a little better, like I'm not alone in all of this. I just get frustrated sometimes when I'm honest about my ups and downs, and some people I know are like, "What's the big deal? You must not be very spiritual or this would be a piece of cake," and I think maybe we all just need to be honest with each other; drop our masks and facades and just let ourselves BE, whether it's crabby or happy or optimistic or sad. When we accept ourselves right where we are, that's where the enlightenment is experienced - just to be able to sit right smack in the middle of our messy lives and be okay with it and ourselves. So I look at my life right this second - Bill's playing Guitar Hero (that game makes me REALLY happy), Erik's in the front room playing "Crazy on You" on his guitar, and Steve and Jordan are out golfing 9 holes. The sun is warm and the wind is that perfect, slightly cool, slightly ruffling sort. I have no worries that are pressing on me right at this second, and I can honestly release the past and future thoughts, just for this one moment. And in doing that, I feel a lot more breathing room all around me.
I miss people, I miss my friends, and connecting with groups, so I'm making it my goal for the rest of the summer to gather my friends any time I can - backyard barbecues, impromptu drop-ins to my house, dinners out - I don't care, I just want to be with my friends. I'm also making a list of all those people I really like, and would like to get together with more - I think active planning is pretty necessary when I can get caught up in my family/home/work obligations. Don't get me wrong - those 3 things are VERY important to me, but ALSO important are my friends, and how I feel when I'm with them - larger than normal, and just a touch happier. So - here's to good friends, here's to connecting, and here's to staying present to our lives.
Monday, June 25, 2007
grateful
Brigid's House had their Mid-Summer's Festival all day yesterday, so I drove out and did readings all day, along with giving a 1/2 hour talk. In the middle of the talk, I noticed a woman smiling and nodding in the back. Finally she interrupted me and said that she was at a workshop I'd given there over 3 years ago. She saw me going around the room giving mini-readings to everyone, and wondered if she could do what I do. Apparently I looked right at her and said, "and yes, you can do what I do." So she went out and got Reiki trained, and is now a practicing intuitive. She publicly thanked me and said how important that was for her, and I got tears in my eyes.
I am so grateful to have that kind of feedback - not that I need it, but it keeps affirming why I do the work that I do - it can change people, it can help them, it can help them heal. Then they can help others, as well, and this whole world can keep getting better and better. Sigh. I'm so happy right now. I love my work, and I love my kids and my husband and my parents and my friends and my life. I love everything. And that feeling is real and deep and I am totally here right now, present in my life, and it feels really good.
I am so grateful to have that kind of feedback - not that I need it, but it keeps affirming why I do the work that I do - it can change people, it can help them, it can help them heal. Then they can help others, as well, and this whole world can keep getting better and better. Sigh. I'm so happy right now. I love my work, and I love my kids and my husband and my parents and my friends and my life. I love everything. And that feeling is real and deep and I am totally here right now, present in my life, and it feels really good.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
and so it starts...
The next shift that will usher in the 7.7.07 phenomenon. What is it? From what I'm getting, it's one of the final clearings of all of our lower energies so we can abide more comfortably in our bodies and new environment. When I look around me, or catch glimpses of the news, it almost feels like I'm sitting in a glass bubble and am looking out at all of the junk that's going on. I feel like I'm separate from it, almost like I'm watching a movie. Now, I still cry and get sad and upset when I hear about someone's father dying, or someone who's got cancer, but there's a deeper understanding of what's going on, maybe. Thankfully my ears aren't that plugged up, as the start of the shift was on June 21, the summer solstice. That day my left ear was full, and my right ear was ringing, but that all seems to have calmed down. I even slept really well last night, as opposed to sleeping lightly and getting up frequently for the two nights before that. I guess we'll just never know how we're going to sleep on any given night, but I slept 10 hours, and overall feel a little less tired than I've felt for the past few months.
I was grocery shopping this afternoon, and as I walked by the frozen pizza section, I was overcome with these feelings of sadness, thinking of certain events in my past that involved my family of origin. Good grief, I'm thinking, am I STILL dealing with all of that? I SO thought I was over it all - healed, forgiven, all good, yup, it's all good, and there I was, angry and fighting back tears when the events just kept scrolling in front of my vision. Birthday cards sent to family and not reciprocated, graduation parties that we've attended, but others not coming to ours, others being invited to parties and for holidays and us not - on and on the scenes flashed in front of me, and I drove home with clenched teeth. Seriously, I love my family, I love everyone, and this comes up, and I have to think it has to do with the lower energies releasing, so as I sit here I'm thinking about what the symbolism of it all is, and what part of those stories I haven't released yet. I asked Steve if his feelings ever get hurt by being left out of things, and he said no, that stuff really doesn't bug him. A really good friend of ours didn't invite us to his daughter's graduation party. Now, we shouldn't be bugged - it saved us $50 in a graduation check, I guess, but that wasn't the point. All of our joint friends were invited, and for the life of me, I wrack my brain and can't come up with an explanation of why we're being shunned.
Is it all about me? Does it have to be something I'VE done? Does anything that I'm feeling about not being included, or shunned, or left out of things, have to do with me, or does it have to do with everyone else? If I'm a good, nice, fun person (and I think for the most part I am), then that's not it. But still ... there's something there, if it keeps coming up, and hurting my feelings, or making me angry. If I can stay clear enough and not default into my childhood feelings, I can think of several occasions when I've forgotten birthdays or not invited every single person I know to parties, or for holidays. So whatever THIS is, it wants to be acknowledged and healed for once and for all, and frankly, that would be a big relief - I carry a lot around in that burlap sack on my back - it's still full of rocks, I'm thinking, and others walk around with an empty sack wondering why I'm panting and tired and sore as I lug mine on the ground behind me.
We carry our own issues and baggage - for others there's no charge, no heat, no buttons pushed. For me, well, I guess I've still got some buttons to erase, heat to cool, charges to equalize. Maybe that's what this current shift is all about - housekeeping the rest of the small stuff, and maybe this IS the small stuff. I just know that when that stuff hits, it hits hard, and it doesn't seem to be connected with anything else going on in my life. It just hits. So I don't hit back, or squirm around (well, okay, I squirm around a little bit - I don't appreciate these feelings) - I sit here and breathe and smile at myself and my feelings, and try to love myself - even in spite of it all.
I was grocery shopping this afternoon, and as I walked by the frozen pizza section, I was overcome with these feelings of sadness, thinking of certain events in my past that involved my family of origin. Good grief, I'm thinking, am I STILL dealing with all of that? I SO thought I was over it all - healed, forgiven, all good, yup, it's all good, and there I was, angry and fighting back tears when the events just kept scrolling in front of my vision. Birthday cards sent to family and not reciprocated, graduation parties that we've attended, but others not coming to ours, others being invited to parties and for holidays and us not - on and on the scenes flashed in front of me, and I drove home with clenched teeth. Seriously, I love my family, I love everyone, and this comes up, and I have to think it has to do with the lower energies releasing, so as I sit here I'm thinking about what the symbolism of it all is, and what part of those stories I haven't released yet. I asked Steve if his feelings ever get hurt by being left out of things, and he said no, that stuff really doesn't bug him. A really good friend of ours didn't invite us to his daughter's graduation party. Now, we shouldn't be bugged - it saved us $50 in a graduation check, I guess, but that wasn't the point. All of our joint friends were invited, and for the life of me, I wrack my brain and can't come up with an explanation of why we're being shunned.
Is it all about me? Does it have to be something I'VE done? Does anything that I'm feeling about not being included, or shunned, or left out of things, have to do with me, or does it have to do with everyone else? If I'm a good, nice, fun person (and I think for the most part I am), then that's not it. But still ... there's something there, if it keeps coming up, and hurting my feelings, or making me angry. If I can stay clear enough and not default into my childhood feelings, I can think of several occasions when I've forgotten birthdays or not invited every single person I know to parties, or for holidays. So whatever THIS is, it wants to be acknowledged and healed for once and for all, and frankly, that would be a big relief - I carry a lot around in that burlap sack on my back - it's still full of rocks, I'm thinking, and others walk around with an empty sack wondering why I'm panting and tired and sore as I lug mine on the ground behind me.
We carry our own issues and baggage - for others there's no charge, no heat, no buttons pushed. For me, well, I guess I've still got some buttons to erase, heat to cool, charges to equalize. Maybe that's what this current shift is all about - housekeeping the rest of the small stuff, and maybe this IS the small stuff. I just know that when that stuff hits, it hits hard, and it doesn't seem to be connected with anything else going on in my life. It just hits. So I don't hit back, or squirm around (well, okay, I squirm around a little bit - I don't appreciate these feelings) - I sit here and breathe and smile at myself and my feelings, and try to love myself - even in spite of it all.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
r-e-s-p-e-c-t
It's the 40th anniversary of Aretha Franklin recording "Respect" in New York City, and I listened to a woman sing it on the Prairie Home Companion. I could actually hear all of the words, and part of them were, "I give you all my money, and all I'm asking for is a profit when I get home." Or something like that. Now what does THAT mean? I'm sitting there thinking, "why in the world would she give her man all of her money?", and in exchange for respect. Shouldn't she be worthy of respect just because? So I think of my visit home with Mum and Dad. It was perfect in every way. I planted several container's worth of flowers for their deck, just to bring them some beauty. I cooked all of their meals, 3 of them gourmet (from Dr. Gott's book, by the way), went through 5 tote boxes of letters, photographs and memorabilia, allowing for several hour's worth of stories and nostalgia. I even helped interview two nurses to come in and help Dad out a bit. I watched the way Dad treated Mum, and vice versa. I was amazed, that even with all of the work that goes into their life right now, they never got angry with each other. They both said "thank you" and "please." Dad would walk over and rub Mum's hand, and pat her arm when he put the blanket on her. They've been married 62 years as of a week ago, and they still respect each other.
If we want peace in the whole world, how are we creating it in our own homes? Do we still pick fights, and bitch, just wanting to be right? Okay, that's still me, even if just a little bit - it's hard to give up that "wanting to be right" kind of thing, but Steve keeps saying, "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" and sometimes I think about that before I open my mouth, and sometimes not. I try to always respect Steve and the kids, to be kind and patient, and I think I am, pretty much, but you'd have to ask them to find out for sure. Do I respect my friends, my neighbors, my clients, my acquaintances, the President, people I disagree with? How do my INSIDES feel? Congruent with my outsides? Or nicer on the outside, so people are impressed with me. Ouch. I hope not too much - I try to be consistent with everything. If Bill chewing his food with his mouth open doesn't bother me, I try not to say anything if any of the other kids do the same thing. It's only fair, but I don't suppose I'm always fair. Some days I'm really peaceful, and nothing could shake me or bother me, and other days, I can get really mean - I'll leave dishes in the sink for 2 days if they're not mine (well, I've TOLD them a million times to put their own dishes into the dishwasher - if they don't pick up after themselves, who will? That's sort of my philosophy for most everything in life - if we all took care of our own messes, the world would probably be a really great place). Byron Katie tells us that if something bugs us about someone else, we should just let it be as it is - there's nothing we can do to change anyone else, and I agree, and that's probably the baseline for respect - accepting others just as they are and not having expectations. Expectations makes for resentment, and quelches respect.
I sat outside all day at Brigid's House, doing readings and speaking, and it was glorious. It was hot, but the wind was blowing, and I was in a tent under a tree. Someone asked me why I do this work, and I said, "Because I just want to help, and because I love people," and I realize that's true - we're all doing the best we can, and we all need help and support from others. How can I help others? That's always the question for the day.
So I'm off to spend time with Bill - I've been on the road for almost two week's straight, putting on over 2000 miles. Phew - different body parts are pretty stiff and sore, but nothing some good stretching won't straighten out.
If we want peace in the whole world, how are we creating it in our own homes? Do we still pick fights, and bitch, just wanting to be right? Okay, that's still me, even if just a little bit - it's hard to give up that "wanting to be right" kind of thing, but Steve keeps saying, "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" and sometimes I think about that before I open my mouth, and sometimes not. I try to always respect Steve and the kids, to be kind and patient, and I think I am, pretty much, but you'd have to ask them to find out for sure. Do I respect my friends, my neighbors, my clients, my acquaintances, the President, people I disagree with? How do my INSIDES feel? Congruent with my outsides? Or nicer on the outside, so people are impressed with me. Ouch. I hope not too much - I try to be consistent with everything. If Bill chewing his food with his mouth open doesn't bother me, I try not to say anything if any of the other kids do the same thing. It's only fair, but I don't suppose I'm always fair. Some days I'm really peaceful, and nothing could shake me or bother me, and other days, I can get really mean - I'll leave dishes in the sink for 2 days if they're not mine (well, I've TOLD them a million times to put their own dishes into the dishwasher - if they don't pick up after themselves, who will? That's sort of my philosophy for most everything in life - if we all took care of our own messes, the world would probably be a really great place). Byron Katie tells us that if something bugs us about someone else, we should just let it be as it is - there's nothing we can do to change anyone else, and I agree, and that's probably the baseline for respect - accepting others just as they are and not having expectations. Expectations makes for resentment, and quelches respect.
I sat outside all day at Brigid's House, doing readings and speaking, and it was glorious. It was hot, but the wind was blowing, and I was in a tent under a tree. Someone asked me why I do this work, and I said, "Because I just want to help, and because I love people," and I realize that's true - we're all doing the best we can, and we all need help and support from others. How can I help others? That's always the question for the day.
So I'm off to spend time with Bill - I've been on the road for almost two week's straight, putting on over 2000 miles. Phew - different body parts are pretty stiff and sore, but nothing some good stretching won't straighten out.
Friday, June 22, 2007
yes yeses
It's not a complete circle until we move from the no-no's to the yes yeses. And it's interesting to think that we can all figure out what they are by doing the opposite of the no-no's, but there are a LOT more yes yeses, so here are a few I've figured out. These are good fundamentals for optimal health - body, mind, and spirit. I'm sure I'll keep learning more, changing and evolving, but it's a good start.
YES:
everything organic (I know - some stuff IS expensive, but a good garden can really balance the overall grocery costs)
a good dose of protein every day (not the Atkin's bent, but I eat at least 4-5 servings of protein every day - beans are a great source, as are nut butters, and protein bars (Lemon Zest by Luna is a really good one - I'm not personally endorsing anything, but I like these), organic chicken, turkey, fish (check out mercury levels), and occasionally red meat and pork)
as many vegetables as you can possibly manage - most of us are horribly deficient in eating our veggies, but with a little creativity you can come to crave them - think rainbows, and try them in salads, soups, and stir-frys, cooked and raw
a fair amount of fruit - it is all mostly really high in sugar, so I usually eat mine for dessert - it's amazing how sweet fruit is once you stop eating refined sugar
a fair amount of complex carbohydrates - you have to define "fair" for you - some say none at all (I don't think that's healthy), and some don't limit them at all - I eat probably around 4 -5 servings or carbs a day - one serving is 1/2 cup of rice of pasta, if you're thinking a huge plate constitutes one serving
drink as much purified water as possible - I've heard that you can drink TOO much, but I have yet to achieve a too-much state - I try to drink around a gallon a day (not including my rice milk and decaf green tea)
try to eat something every 3 hours - our bodies are like cars - we need a steady supply of fuel to help us run most efficiently, and it helps us stabilize our blood sugar levels (so does eating complex carbs and good protein and limiting fruit)
supplements and vitamins? I'm still trying to wade through all the information on these, but I take fish oil, coq10, calcium and magnesium, vitamin c, and zinc if I start feeling kind of punk. I've experimented with several different kinds of vitamins, but they've all proved to be too much for my system. I think that once we start eating healthy, our needs for mega-vitamins goes down - isn't it possible (theoretically) to get all of our dietary needs met by diet alone? Some say yes, some say no - I say "I don't know."
Detox - I'm still researching the liver/gallbladder flush phenomenon. I've talked with several people who swear by it, and I'm intrigued, but there's still something inside of me that thinks it's a bit extreme. I've tried the ionic foot cleanse, and was amazed at what came out of the water, but I want to conduct a little experiment next time: put the battery into the water, and just wait for 30 minutes and see what happens - does the water change just by having the battery in it? But I DID feel a lot better after doing the cleanse, so that's something. Mild liver cleanses via milk thistle and dandelion root - I've been experimenting, and milk thistle made the going a little too easy, if you catch my drift, but the dandelion root seems to work really well - I drink a cup about 3 times a week - caution: one client told me that she was extremely allergic to dandelions, so always be sure to check allergic reactions when dealing with herbs and even supplements (although I always think it interesting to note the INCREDIBLE amount of side effects and reactions from prescription meds, yet nobody really makes a big deal out of that)
Exercise - move it or lose it. But I don't think extreme exercise is that helpful - too much running can ruin your back, hips and knees. But I think it's more important just to do what you love, and stay as active as you can throughout the day. I play frisbee with Bill, shoot some hoops, go for at least an hour of walks a day (I spread them out to 2 or 3 moderate walks throughout the day), plant flowers, go grocery shopping - it all counts. There are so many books and resources on exercise that I'm not even going to go into it, but I try not to sit around too much at a time, but move move move.
Relax - meditation, nappies (one of my best friends, Melissa, is great about that), reading, listening to music, baths, hanging with friends, going to the movies - what makes you happy and calm? I was just in Bismarck hanging with Mum and Dad, and I went for a long walk down by the river - there were giant trees and fields - I was so happy and calm I could've walked forever - it really calmed me down. Most of us work ourselves too hard, expecting a lot, demanding a lot. We have to justify putting our feet up for a minute. Well, what I've figured out is that we should spend as much time on our "outsides" (responsibilities, duties, etc.) as our "insides" (things that feed our soul). Unfortunately, society usually labels the outside stuff as the important stuff, and the inside stuff as the fluff and stuff of lazy people. I don't think it's true at all, and think that relaxing may just be the key to clearing our minds, so that in the end we become more efficient and able to do even MORE - maybe we can trick ourselves into taking better care of ourselves if we think in the end we can get more done? Maybe we can just try to lighten our schedules for a week and see how we feel. Since changing over my whole life almost a year ago, I haven't been sick at all, and I know that part of it is that I've permanently lowered my workload in all areas of my life, and with 4 kids, work, and home, that's not always easy to accomplish, but well worth it.
Being open to new ideas and concepts - I admit it, I get really short with people who are narrow-minded and tell me their way is the only way. I asked Mum's dietitian why they only have sugar and simple carbs and processed food on the hospital menu when there are so many diabetics in the hospital. She answered that there's no research to show that complex carbs help diabetics, and it's still fine to eat sugar and simple carbs as long as you adjust your insulin. I asked her if she was teasing, and she said no. She said she'd gone to school to get her degree and information and asked me what training I'd had. I told her I've read over 50 books on nutrition from all different sources, and strive to figure out what makes sense to me. She insisted that her approach to diabetes was the "correct" position the American Diabetes Association holds. I nicely told her I thought it was all wrong, and she looked at me with a little disdain (I felt). I've read people who were fanatics, on both sides of the spectrum, but I resonate with the open people, like Andrew Weil, Christianne Northrup, and diets like the Mediterranean Diet. Again, I'm not personally endorsing anything, but just passing on what I've found helpful.
I think it's really important for people to take control of their lives and health, and not leave any of it in the hands of outside parties, whether that's doctors, parents, teachers, pastors, or friends. Nobody knows me like I know me, and I'll be the first one to see a doctor if I think he or she can help me, but I don't just blanketly believe everything they say just BECAUSE they're a doctor, or just because they TELL me they're right. We're programmed to follow directions from authority in several areas, but it feels like we're waking up to our own empowerment, and I really want to stress that in all areas of my work and life. Ask yourself, "What do I think?" then figure out your answers. Ask others for their opinions, but it's up to us in the end to decide what's best for us.
I'm sure there are more yes yeses, and I'll type more in as I think of them. Right now Billy wants to walk around the block, so I say "yes yes..."
YES:
everything organic (I know - some stuff IS expensive, but a good garden can really balance the overall grocery costs)
a good dose of protein every day (not the Atkin's bent, but I eat at least 4-5 servings of protein every day - beans are a great source, as are nut butters, and protein bars (Lemon Zest by Luna is a really good one - I'm not personally endorsing anything, but I like these), organic chicken, turkey, fish (check out mercury levels), and occasionally red meat and pork)
as many vegetables as you can possibly manage - most of us are horribly deficient in eating our veggies, but with a little creativity you can come to crave them - think rainbows, and try them in salads, soups, and stir-frys, cooked and raw
a fair amount of fruit - it is all mostly really high in sugar, so I usually eat mine for dessert - it's amazing how sweet fruit is once you stop eating refined sugar
a fair amount of complex carbohydrates - you have to define "fair" for you - some say none at all (I don't think that's healthy), and some don't limit them at all - I eat probably around 4 -5 servings or carbs a day - one serving is 1/2 cup of rice of pasta, if you're thinking a huge plate constitutes one serving
drink as much purified water as possible - I've heard that you can drink TOO much, but I have yet to achieve a too-much state - I try to drink around a gallon a day (not including my rice milk and decaf green tea)
try to eat something every 3 hours - our bodies are like cars - we need a steady supply of fuel to help us run most efficiently, and it helps us stabilize our blood sugar levels (so does eating complex carbs and good protein and limiting fruit)
supplements and vitamins? I'm still trying to wade through all the information on these, but I take fish oil, coq10, calcium and magnesium, vitamin c, and zinc if I start feeling kind of punk. I've experimented with several different kinds of vitamins, but they've all proved to be too much for my system. I think that once we start eating healthy, our needs for mega-vitamins goes down - isn't it possible (theoretically) to get all of our dietary needs met by diet alone? Some say yes, some say no - I say "I don't know."
Detox - I'm still researching the liver/gallbladder flush phenomenon. I've talked with several people who swear by it, and I'm intrigued, but there's still something inside of me that thinks it's a bit extreme. I've tried the ionic foot cleanse, and was amazed at what came out of the water, but I want to conduct a little experiment next time: put the battery into the water, and just wait for 30 minutes and see what happens - does the water change just by having the battery in it? But I DID feel a lot better after doing the cleanse, so that's something. Mild liver cleanses via milk thistle and dandelion root - I've been experimenting, and milk thistle made the going a little too easy, if you catch my drift, but the dandelion root seems to work really well - I drink a cup about 3 times a week - caution: one client told me that she was extremely allergic to dandelions, so always be sure to check allergic reactions when dealing with herbs and even supplements (although I always think it interesting to note the INCREDIBLE amount of side effects and reactions from prescription meds, yet nobody really makes a big deal out of that)
Exercise - move it or lose it. But I don't think extreme exercise is that helpful - too much running can ruin your back, hips and knees. But I think it's more important just to do what you love, and stay as active as you can throughout the day. I play frisbee with Bill, shoot some hoops, go for at least an hour of walks a day (I spread them out to 2 or 3 moderate walks throughout the day), plant flowers, go grocery shopping - it all counts. There are so many books and resources on exercise that I'm not even going to go into it, but I try not to sit around too much at a time, but move move move.
Relax - meditation, nappies (one of my best friends, Melissa, is great about that), reading, listening to music, baths, hanging with friends, going to the movies - what makes you happy and calm? I was just in Bismarck hanging with Mum and Dad, and I went for a long walk down by the river - there were giant trees and fields - I was so happy and calm I could've walked forever - it really calmed me down. Most of us work ourselves too hard, expecting a lot, demanding a lot. We have to justify putting our feet up for a minute. Well, what I've figured out is that we should spend as much time on our "outsides" (responsibilities, duties, etc.) as our "insides" (things that feed our soul). Unfortunately, society usually labels the outside stuff as the important stuff, and the inside stuff as the fluff and stuff of lazy people. I don't think it's true at all, and think that relaxing may just be the key to clearing our minds, so that in the end we become more efficient and able to do even MORE - maybe we can trick ourselves into taking better care of ourselves if we think in the end we can get more done? Maybe we can just try to lighten our schedules for a week and see how we feel. Since changing over my whole life almost a year ago, I haven't been sick at all, and I know that part of it is that I've permanently lowered my workload in all areas of my life, and with 4 kids, work, and home, that's not always easy to accomplish, but well worth it.
Being open to new ideas and concepts - I admit it, I get really short with people who are narrow-minded and tell me their way is the only way. I asked Mum's dietitian why they only have sugar and simple carbs and processed food on the hospital menu when there are so many diabetics in the hospital. She answered that there's no research to show that complex carbs help diabetics, and it's still fine to eat sugar and simple carbs as long as you adjust your insulin. I asked her if she was teasing, and she said no. She said she'd gone to school to get her degree and information and asked me what training I'd had. I told her I've read over 50 books on nutrition from all different sources, and strive to figure out what makes sense to me. She insisted that her approach to diabetes was the "correct" position the American Diabetes Association holds. I nicely told her I thought it was all wrong, and she looked at me with a little disdain (I felt). I've read people who were fanatics, on both sides of the spectrum, but I resonate with the open people, like Andrew Weil, Christianne Northrup, and diets like the Mediterranean Diet. Again, I'm not personally endorsing anything, but just passing on what I've found helpful.
I think it's really important for people to take control of their lives and health, and not leave any of it in the hands of outside parties, whether that's doctors, parents, teachers, pastors, or friends. Nobody knows me like I know me, and I'll be the first one to see a doctor if I think he or she can help me, but I don't just blanketly believe everything they say just BECAUSE they're a doctor, or just because they TELL me they're right. We're programmed to follow directions from authority in several areas, but it feels like we're waking up to our own empowerment, and I really want to stress that in all areas of my work and life. Ask yourself, "What do I think?" then figure out your answers. Ask others for their opinions, but it's up to us in the end to decide what's best for us.
I'm sure there are more yes yeses, and I'll type more in as I think of them. Right now Billy wants to walk around the block, so I say "yes yes..."
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
ch ch ch changes ...
My wrists don't hurt anymore, and my head feels partially normal (for the first time in nearly 2 years), but I finished all my work, took a pillow and blankey outside, and fell asleep for 45 minutes. The strange thing about these afternoon naps is that I can feel this light, different energy passing through me, and then I almost lift out of my body and let the energy in. It really feels amazing, but only seems to happen during the day. My intuition tells me a LOT more goes on in the night, but I'm not awake (most of the time). A client asked me about how I've changed my life around, as she hadn't seen me in over a year and couldn't get over the change. "It's not your PHYSICAL appearance," she said, "it's something about your energy. What are you doing?" She really wanted to hear it all, then I got to thinking, I've read over 50 books on nutrition and health, and it seems like a lot of us are waking up to good health, but might not know where to look, so I wanted to talk about what books/diets I've found helpful, and also part of the changes I've made to create these vibrant, fabulous changes.
After it's all said and done, my eating habits mimic most closely the Mediterranean Diet. It also share some similarities with the South Beach Diet, and even the Diabetic Diet (which I personally we ALL would do well to be on). Andrew Weil's books are really great starters, because he explains good health from the ground up, and feels pretty moderate about everything. There are some who are fanatics about medicines and Western mindset of medicate not cure; then the opposite side who are fanatics about natural natural natural. I think there's a danger in becoming too rigid in ANY direction, except for some pretty firm ideas about absolute no-no's if you want good health.
My no-no's? No refined sugar or refined flour. Dr. Gott has a FABULOUS book called, "Dr. Gott's No-Flour No-Sugar Diet." The recipes in there are unbelievable. I suggest picking it up for the recipes alone - they're healthy AND yummy. I've researched the whole alcohol/red wine/antioxidants thing, but I've still come up with the conclusion that alcohol is just not good for you. Nothing artificial at ALL, because your body is made up of the earth, and the earth is all natural. Your body just doesn't know what to do with artificial things - it sees them as poisons and send the fat to surround the poisons to keep them from your organs. Artificial anythings include over-the-counter meds and prescription meds. Now, if you've got a serious medical condition, I always suggest working with the doctor, but maybe ask if there are other natural options. It appears that coffee in moderation can actually be good for you, but it's poison for me, so it's been over a year that I've had any (decaf included). Trust me, that was a HARD one for me, as I just LOVE my coffee, and have for years. More no-no's? Hydrogenated anything, aspartame (wow - it's just SO bad for you, and I don't care what anyone says about it and the studies they've done - it did weird stuff to my brain and hearing, and gave me horrible headaches), packaged foods, high fat foods, major carbs, and dairy. Dairy, you say - but I thought dairy was good for you - calcium, and all that. Well, I've come to believe that a vast majority of the world's population is lactose intolerant and doesn't know it - it causes so many diseases and complications that it's not even funny. If you're interested, just try going without it for a week and see how you feel. My daughter was recently diagnosed as lactose intolerant, gave it up, and promptly lost 10 pounds and had all digestion problems she's had since birth CLEAR TOTALLY UP. You can't tell me that's all a coincidence. Other important no-no's? NO smoking or drugs - that's just SO awfully bad and harmful to the body I can't even say. If anything else, start by quitting smoking - it will benefit your body more than probably anything else you can do.
So, today is just about the no-no's, but I'm more interested in the yes-yeses, so I'll start on those tomorrow. I think the most important thing is to listen to you body, trust that it knows how to take care of you better than anybody else, and support it to do its best. It's the least we can do, in exchange for it carrying us through our life. I want to live a long, active life in a strong, healthy body, and to do that, I need to keep committing to a healthy lifestyle. More later ...
After it's all said and done, my eating habits mimic most closely the Mediterranean Diet. It also share some similarities with the South Beach Diet, and even the Diabetic Diet (which I personally we ALL would do well to be on). Andrew Weil's books are really great starters, because he explains good health from the ground up, and feels pretty moderate about everything. There are some who are fanatics about medicines and Western mindset of medicate not cure; then the opposite side who are fanatics about natural natural natural. I think there's a danger in becoming too rigid in ANY direction, except for some pretty firm ideas about absolute no-no's if you want good health.
My no-no's? No refined sugar or refined flour. Dr. Gott has a FABULOUS book called, "Dr. Gott's No-Flour No-Sugar Diet." The recipes in there are unbelievable. I suggest picking it up for the recipes alone - they're healthy AND yummy. I've researched the whole alcohol/red wine/antioxidants thing, but I've still come up with the conclusion that alcohol is just not good for you. Nothing artificial at ALL, because your body is made up of the earth, and the earth is all natural. Your body just doesn't know what to do with artificial things - it sees them as poisons and send the fat to surround the poisons to keep them from your organs. Artificial anythings include over-the-counter meds and prescription meds. Now, if you've got a serious medical condition, I always suggest working with the doctor, but maybe ask if there are other natural options. It appears that coffee in moderation can actually be good for you, but it's poison for me, so it's been over a year that I've had any (decaf included). Trust me, that was a HARD one for me, as I just LOVE my coffee, and have for years. More no-no's? Hydrogenated anything, aspartame (wow - it's just SO bad for you, and I don't care what anyone says about it and the studies they've done - it did weird stuff to my brain and hearing, and gave me horrible headaches), packaged foods, high fat foods, major carbs, and dairy. Dairy, you say - but I thought dairy was good for you - calcium, and all that. Well, I've come to believe that a vast majority of the world's population is lactose intolerant and doesn't know it - it causes so many diseases and complications that it's not even funny. If you're interested, just try going without it for a week and see how you feel. My daughter was recently diagnosed as lactose intolerant, gave it up, and promptly lost 10 pounds and had all digestion problems she's had since birth CLEAR TOTALLY UP. You can't tell me that's all a coincidence. Other important no-no's? NO smoking or drugs - that's just SO awfully bad and harmful to the body I can't even say. If anything else, start by quitting smoking - it will benefit your body more than probably anything else you can do.
So, today is just about the no-no's, but I'm more interested in the yes-yeses, so I'll start on those tomorrow. I think the most important thing is to listen to you body, trust that it knows how to take care of you better than anybody else, and support it to do its best. It's the least we can do, in exchange for it carrying us through our life. I want to live a long, active life in a strong, healthy body, and to do that, I need to keep committing to a healthy lifestyle. More later ...
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Gitana
That's the feminine form of "gitan"; I guess our Rialta is a woman. Although I slept deeply last night, I remember seeing bright white flashes of light and hearing a great wind. Steve heard the thunder. I thankfully don't feel as tired today, even though I stayed up until midnight with Kari watching "You, Me and Dupree." So it still must be the energy integrating. How long will this all go on, I wonder, then I answer my own question - it will keep going on. So I breathe a sigh of relief and just kick back a little, waiting for the next wave. I wonder how many other people are feeling these shifts and changes? It seems that some people have NO idea what I'm talking about - some of my family, for instance. Two of my sisters get me, but the other two just love me, and for that I'm really thankful. It could be really worse - they love me, and that's the most important thing. Steve gets it (sort of), but my kids all mostly tease me. I DO say the word "energy" a lot, but hey, it's what I know, it's my reality. I think my kids provide the yang to my yin - help keep me balanced in case there's a danger that I spin too far out there. They're right there, saying, "Isn't there any food in the house that's not organic?" Nope, there's not - get used to it.
We barbecued steaks for Father's Day, along with homemade potato salad and wild rice salad. Erik had to work, and Jordan's sleeping, so it was just Steve, Kari, Bill, and me, but that's okay, because that was pretty much the story of their whole childhood - parts of the whole family together, hardly ever the whole family. I called Dad to tell him how much I love him. No one else had called him yet. He had a physical, and told me all his numbers. He didn't know if they were good or bad, so I helped him wade through the report. It was all really good, except for his calcium and Vitamin D, so we'll work on that. I love him so much, and it's funny, he was always my huge protector for all these years, and somehow now I feel like I'm wanting to protect HIM. He's 84, and has done such a beautiful job taking care of Mom these past 10 years. I just want to help him any way I can. That's what love is, isn't it? Taking care of each other? I'll take care of you, then you take care of me - we take care of each other, and we all take care of the whole world, and it's a beautiful place, right? I can't change the WHOLE world, so I'll just keep focused on my one beautiful life, and how I can live it to the highest of my abilities. Some days my highest doesn't feel very high, and other days, like today, I'm just so happy just to be alive.
So I breathe and smile and enjoy the reprieve in the transformation. Today - ah. Tomorrow? Who knows. I guess today is all we have anyway; more accurately, this MOMENT is all we have, and our lives are just a lot of moments strung together. From where I'm standing right now, it all looks pretty amazing, no matter what's happened before, and no matter what will happen tomorrow - it IS all good, because it's all god.
We barbecued steaks for Father's Day, along with homemade potato salad and wild rice salad. Erik had to work, and Jordan's sleeping, so it was just Steve, Kari, Bill, and me, but that's okay, because that was pretty much the story of their whole childhood - parts of the whole family together, hardly ever the whole family. I called Dad to tell him how much I love him. No one else had called him yet. He had a physical, and told me all his numbers. He didn't know if they were good or bad, so I helped him wade through the report. It was all really good, except for his calcium and Vitamin D, so we'll work on that. I love him so much, and it's funny, he was always my huge protector for all these years, and somehow now I feel like I'm wanting to protect HIM. He's 84, and has done such a beautiful job taking care of Mom these past 10 years. I just want to help him any way I can. That's what love is, isn't it? Taking care of each other? I'll take care of you, then you take care of me - we take care of each other, and we all take care of the whole world, and it's a beautiful place, right? I can't change the WHOLE world, so I'll just keep focused on my one beautiful life, and how I can live it to the highest of my abilities. Some days my highest doesn't feel very high, and other days, like today, I'm just so happy just to be alive.
So I breathe and smile and enjoy the reprieve in the transformation. Today - ah. Tomorrow? Who knows. I guess today is all we have anyway; more accurately, this MOMENT is all we have, and our lives are just a lot of moments strung together. From where I'm standing right now, it all looks pretty amazing, no matter what's happened before, and no matter what will happen tomorrow - it IS all good, because it's all god.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
a dream come true...
We left Friday afternoon for the Cities, after doing 4 1/2 hours of straight psychic readings for a group of sisters that came from all over. I wasn't as tired as I thought I'd be - invigorated, almost, but luckily sweet Steve agreed to drive the whole way down there. We picked Kari up and headed north to Cambridge early this morning, not knowing where we were going, but relying on our navigation system on our hybrid Highlander, otherwise known as Sir Lambert (said with an English accent), named in honor of Christopher Lambert, actor who played the Highlander in the movie series. We found the pickup place without any problem, and I admittedly wiped a tear away as I got out to look her over. A 15 year old dream come true, as Steve reminded me of all the times I made him stop at RV stores along our trip routes, just to look at them. We met the nice seller, signed the papers, and headed down the road.
Bill was sitting in the back. "Pew," he said, "it smells like rotten eggs." Then we smelled it. Yikes. We pulled over to a campground and called the seller. "It might be a propane leak," he said. Yikes. But I didn't sense there was anything majorly wrong. He drove out to look it all over, finally figuring out that the previous owner had forgotten to drain the sewage out - ewwwwwww. We figured it had probably sat there for almost a year (a year?), so without any other options, we threw in some deodorizing powder, threw some more water in, opened the windows, and continued down the road. What's the moral of the story? I have no idea, but while I'm typing I can look out my window at my beautiful new/old Rialta sitting in the driveway. We named her "Gitane," which Steve says means "gypsy" in French. I'll have to look it up to make sure. I'd had to learn later that it means "you are a stinky pig" or something like that.
So dreams DO come true, as we slide into Father's Day tomorrow, planning our special breakfast for Steve, complete with goopy rolls and scrambled eggs. I'll call my own dad and talk to him, and be sure to tell him how much I love him, but more on that tomorrow...
Bill was sitting in the back. "Pew," he said, "it smells like rotten eggs." Then we smelled it. Yikes. We pulled over to a campground and called the seller. "It might be a propane leak," he said. Yikes. But I didn't sense there was anything majorly wrong. He drove out to look it all over, finally figuring out that the previous owner had forgotten to drain the sewage out - ewwwwwww. We figured it had probably sat there for almost a year (a year?), so without any other options, we threw in some deodorizing powder, threw some more water in, opened the windows, and continued down the road. What's the moral of the story? I have no idea, but while I'm typing I can look out my window at my beautiful new/old Rialta sitting in the driveway. We named her "Gitane," which Steve says means "gypsy" in French. I'll have to look it up to make sure. I'd had to learn later that it means "you are a stinky pig" or something like that.
So dreams DO come true, as we slide into Father's Day tomorrow, planning our special breakfast for Steve, complete with goopy rolls and scrambled eggs. I'll call my own dad and talk to him, and be sure to tell him how much I love him, but more on that tomorrow...
Thursday, June 14, 2007
dangerous ideas
I'm wondering why we don't talk about dangerous ideas, and I've been thinking about them lately. Why do we need/want to stay in the middle, where it's safe, instead of feeling free to travel on all spectrums of the "line" that tells us what's normal and acceptable. Why is there any line at all? Why not just let us all BE? That's what I'm wondering about. Am I myself, all the time? I don't think so, much as I'd like to think so. I remember a psychology professor telling us that if we think we don't bow to society's pressures, burst out into song the next time you're on a bus. Well, I don't travel the bus, so I've actually tried it a few times on the elevator. I always sing in the grocery store - no big deal. I've even two-stepped in Mills Fleet Farm. So my dangerous idea for the day is this: is it possible that one religion isn't better or right than any other? I try to be patient and tolerant and understanding; really, I do, but I'm just getting tired of being nice when people look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong, and that their religion/views/thoughts are right. I'm almost afraid of what I might say. I usually smile and say, "well, that's your opinion, and you're certainly entitled to that." But sometimes they say, "No, I'm RIGHT, and you're WRONG." Yes, people have actually said that to me. And again, I CAN smile because I understand that they think they're right and I'm wrong. I really do. But I'm getting tired of it all - fighting and killing and hurting and stealing, all in the name of religion. To my knowledge, there are only a few religions that actually have those actions as foundations, and none of them are any organizations I'd like to be a part of. For the most part, religions espouse love, forgiveness, service to others, grace, trust, and faith. Okay, so then, LET'S DO IT, OKAY??? Let's not just sit on our butts and talk about it, or worse, fight about it. How about respect? Open-mindedness? Support for other's views? Love? Okay, that's it - love. That's all. I love what Neale Donald Walsch says in his book "Tomorrow's God" that "people become fanatics when they feel they aren't being heard. People become fanatical when they feel their point of view is not being honored. For most, a point of view doesn't even have to be accepted, but it does have to be honored. Because, you see, if you dishonor another's point of view, it is as if you disappear it, discounting it as if it were not even there. And when you disappear another's point of view, you disappear them. Everything then becomes a question of survival. Not many of you have learned to truly honor the point of view of others, especially when it is diametrically opposed to your own. That is why you have fanatics on your planet. You have created them. You have placed them here."
Whoops - then I'm guilty of not honoring someone's point of view when they tell me I'm wrong to believe what I believe, or do the work that I'm doing? Sigh. It gets so confusing. Am I being narrow-minded when I say that narrow-minded people bug me? Then I'M just being narrow-minded, aren't I? Around and around it goes. So, the question remains: is it possible that no one religion/person/group is any righter than any other? I think the answer is yes - I think we're all part of the One, so the foot isn't wrong, and the hand isn't right - they all just ARE, right? I'm going to keep thinking about this first dangerous idea, and see if I can just stay neutral - what pushes my buttons, and can I move gently toward the place of no-resistance?
We travel down to the Cities tomorrow to pick up our beautiful Rialta (see previous blogs about the miraculous eBay winning), and will be back by Saturday. It's a long drive, and my shoulders and neck are still spasming from last weekend's trip, but Steve's graciously agreed to drive all the way down there, so maybe I won't get too much more sore. My right ear continues to bother me, and I'm still feeling SO tired, especially around 4PM, like I can't lift my head from the pillow (if I happen to be able to PUT my head on any pillow around 4PM). It feels like an integration from this past energy shift that ended two weeks ago - I keep in touch with Missy Pooh, one of my best friends who goes through everything exactly when I do - when she tells me she's feeling the same way, then I don't worry at all.
Here's to dangerous ideas - may we have them, and may we live out to the borders of our souls.
Whoops - then I'm guilty of not honoring someone's point of view when they tell me I'm wrong to believe what I believe, or do the work that I'm doing? Sigh. It gets so confusing. Am I being narrow-minded when I say that narrow-minded people bug me? Then I'M just being narrow-minded, aren't I? Around and around it goes. So, the question remains: is it possible that no one religion/person/group is any righter than any other? I think the answer is yes - I think we're all part of the One, so the foot isn't wrong, and the hand isn't right - they all just ARE, right? I'm going to keep thinking about this first dangerous idea, and see if I can just stay neutral - what pushes my buttons, and can I move gently toward the place of no-resistance?
We travel down to the Cities tomorrow to pick up our beautiful Rialta (see previous blogs about the miraculous eBay winning), and will be back by Saturday. It's a long drive, and my shoulders and neck are still spasming from last weekend's trip, but Steve's graciously agreed to drive all the way down there, so maybe I won't get too much more sore. My right ear continues to bother me, and I'm still feeling SO tired, especially around 4PM, like I can't lift my head from the pillow (if I happen to be able to PUT my head on any pillow around 4PM). It feels like an integration from this past energy shift that ended two weeks ago - I keep in touch with Missy Pooh, one of my best friends who goes through everything exactly when I do - when she tells me she's feeling the same way, then I don't worry at all.
Here's to dangerous ideas - may we have them, and may we live out to the borders of our souls.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
bringing light to ...
Otherwise known as enlightenment. This beautiful energy flowing through us, as a light, lighting the little candles in each of our cells so our whole body can be light. But first, oh, first, there's that little matter of eliminating all of the darkness, and what a detox that is. I feel it still in my body, but something has shifted this past week or so. When I feel my back start to tighten, that's my trigger that I'm trying to keep out the new energy, so I instantly relax and say, "if this is for my Highest Good, then I bless this energy and let it into my body to do what it needs to do to help me," and my back relaxes. I still feel it in my head, and last night when I lay on my right ear I could hear a high pitched ringing. It's usually heard in my left ear, so that was interesting. My neck is really tight, but that's probably more because of all the traveling we've been doing lately, and that's not going to end for another week or so, as we travel down to north of the Cities to pick up our beautiful new/old camper, then off to Bismarck for 3 days to visit Mum and Dad.
But I find myself peaceful much of the time, happy from the inside out, irregardless of what's going on in the rest of my world. I smile a lot, and am happy just driving, or feeling the wind on my face, or eating a sweet potato. It's hard to explain, and I think that's the thing - when we try to find the words, we try to force that beautiful whole brain energy into the left brain, and that's paradoxical - it's the whole, but it's not just the one part, so the whole can't be put into the partial, so my little words will have to suffice. It's more than enough to plant my containers and marinade the zucchini and even go to the post office. I know this has been going on for some time, years even, but ever since I walked through my dark night of the soul last fall/winter, something has grown inside of me, and continues to grow, and it's a really good thing. I miss being able to talk to a lot of people about it, because a lot of people are still like, "what are you talking about?" and I feel so many things inside of me, but maybe it's okay just to feel them and not try to talk about them or figure them out with anyone else. Maybe it's okay just to BE. And me saying that is DEFINITELY a new thing for me, trust me.
But I find myself peaceful much of the time, happy from the inside out, irregardless of what's going on in the rest of my world. I smile a lot, and am happy just driving, or feeling the wind on my face, or eating a sweet potato. It's hard to explain, and I think that's the thing - when we try to find the words, we try to force that beautiful whole brain energy into the left brain, and that's paradoxical - it's the whole, but it's not just the one part, so the whole can't be put into the partial, so my little words will have to suffice. It's more than enough to plant my containers and marinade the zucchini and even go to the post office. I know this has been going on for some time, years even, but ever since I walked through my dark night of the soul last fall/winter, something has grown inside of me, and continues to grow, and it's a really good thing. I miss being able to talk to a lot of people about it, because a lot of people are still like, "what are you talking about?" and I feel so many things inside of me, but maybe it's okay just to feel them and not try to talk about them or figure them out with anyone else. Maybe it's okay just to BE. And me saying that is DEFINITELY a new thing for me, trust me.
Monday, June 11, 2007
UNBELIEVABLE
It was hot today; Bill didn't want to go to the Trout Fest, but I wanted to get out of the house. Steve came home from work. "Bill doesn't want to go," I said. We talked to him and told him there would be free t-shirts and pizza. He said he'd go, but reminded us that he didn't win a trophy last year, and that he really wanted to win one this year.
"Okay," I said. "I want you to close your eyes and imagine that you're fishing. Now see a giant trout, about 12 inches long, grabbing the worm on your line. Now imagine that you're reeling him in. Now see them measuring him. Now see yourself smiling as they tell you that you've won. Now see yourself accepting your trophy."
Steve and Bill just looked at me, yah know, like "she's crazy." We arrived at the pond and started fishing. Nothing. Nothing. More nothing. Others had caught a few fish - some trout, some catfish. But not us. There were only 10 minutes left. "Imagine a huge trout grabbing your line," I reminded Bill. "See it." 5 minutes left to go. Bill looked a little sad - no fish again. Then the bobber went down, really down. Bill jumped up. Steve jumped up. "We've got a fish," they yelled. The helpers ran over to well, help us. Bill reeled in the line, and out jumped the BIGGEST rainbow trout I'd ever seen. They measured him - 14 inches - the biggest ever caught in that pond. And yup, yup, yup - Bill went on to win the tournament, and smiled as he accepted his trophy.
I can't help smiling. I mean, really smiling, even as I sit here typing this. I know it may not seem like a big deal - maybe just a BIG coincidence, but I believe. I really do. I believe that we called that outcome into our lives by thinking it into reality. I still fight a little against this - it just doesn't seem to make much "logical" sense - could it REALLY be possible to create our futures just by visualizing them? Well, it's worked twice in 24 hours - perfectly perfect. So I keep experimenting and testing and trying it all out. Heck, if it works with campers and trout, what ELSE can it work for? World peace? Universal love and harmony? I'm going for the BIG fish next time. I'll let you know how it works. Man, this is COOL STUFF. In the meantime, I continue to concentrate on what I want, in terms of love and abundance (not in the usual physical terms of money, but the broader feeling of expansiveness), of what will bring joy to others AND myself, and I think, "this is magic. Pure magic." And it is. It really is.
"Okay," I said. "I want you to close your eyes and imagine that you're fishing. Now see a giant trout, about 12 inches long, grabbing the worm on your line. Now imagine that you're reeling him in. Now see them measuring him. Now see yourself smiling as they tell you that you've won. Now see yourself accepting your trophy."
Steve and Bill just looked at me, yah know, like "she's crazy." We arrived at the pond and started fishing. Nothing. Nothing. More nothing. Others had caught a few fish - some trout, some catfish. But not us. There were only 10 minutes left. "Imagine a huge trout grabbing your line," I reminded Bill. "See it." 5 minutes left to go. Bill looked a little sad - no fish again. Then the bobber went down, really down. Bill jumped up. Steve jumped up. "We've got a fish," they yelled. The helpers ran over to well, help us. Bill reeled in the line, and out jumped the BIGGEST rainbow trout I'd ever seen. They measured him - 14 inches - the biggest ever caught in that pond. And yup, yup, yup - Bill went on to win the tournament, and smiled as he accepted his trophy.
I can't help smiling. I mean, really smiling, even as I sit here typing this. I know it may not seem like a big deal - maybe just a BIG coincidence, but I believe. I really do. I believe that we called that outcome into our lives by thinking it into reality. I still fight a little against this - it just doesn't seem to make much "logical" sense - could it REALLY be possible to create our futures just by visualizing them? Well, it's worked twice in 24 hours - perfectly perfect. So I keep experimenting and testing and trying it all out. Heck, if it works with campers and trout, what ELSE can it work for? World peace? Universal love and harmony? I'm going for the BIG fish next time. I'll let you know how it works. Man, this is COOL STUFF. In the meantime, I continue to concentrate on what I want, in terms of love and abundance (not in the usual physical terms of money, but the broader feeling of expansiveness), of what will bring joy to others AND myself, and I think, "this is magic. Pure magic." And it is. It really is.
It works
...not that I doubted it. Well, okay, I really doubted it, even thought I'd SEEN the results several times before. I decided to REALLY put this whole "law of attraction" thing to the test. I admit it, I really rail against this whole "The Secret" thing. I watched 1/2 hour of the movie, and felt the energy was really limited - it felt all about manifesting physical things, not taking into account that what WE want down here in our physical form might not be in our Highest Good. The child may want a huge bag of candy and to stay up late, but that's not in her best interest - the parent is there (our Higher Self, etc.) to oversee our growth, to make corrections when needed, to work WITH us to create our beautiful life. So, I resisted. But I'm a scientist; I like to TEST things to see if they work for me, to see if they make sense to me. There's SO much out there - how could we ever know what possibly works unless we actively try it out?
So there I go - we've been looking for a camper for 5 years. We'd narrowed it down to a Rialta, as they're small and easy to drive. Our friends found theirs for a ridiculously low price, and I was convinced we'd never be able to find one for that cheap - a dealer told us that a '91 Rialta would cost us around $41,000-$45,000. What - are they kidding me? I'd NEVER pay that much (not that we have that much to spend on a camper, anyway).
So we found one on eBay that sounded just perfect. A '95 with only 27,000 miles on it - pristine and new. I looked at it, and felt this energy zing through me. "Yah, sure," I thought, "but everybody feels that when they WANT something. Like it's 'supposed' to be mine." So I dismissed the feeling. I watched the bidding throughout the weekend, then decided to put the law of attraction into effect. Actually, I haven't read anything about it, and didn't watch the movie, so I maybe made up my own visualization. I first asked my "Guys" about it. They said if I wanted it, I could get it for under a certain price. I thought they were crazy. It was WAY lower than any asking price, but I acknowledged my intuitive information. I then sat quietly and saw myself placing the bid, saw me winning the bid (for the low price), then saw us all driving in it. I kept that image in my head throughout the weekend while we were down in Minneapolis with Kari.
I watched the bidding as it neared a close on Sunday evening. It was still within my limit, ridiculously low - no one had really even BID on it since I'd left Friday noon. Strange - all of the other Rialta's bids were around $30,000. I waited until 5 minutes to go, then placed my order - $600 LOWER than what my Guys said I could pay. Hey, faith, you know. I watched the close of the bidding. I WON. I couldn't believe it, really I couldn't. I got it for way less than HALF of what it was worth. So I'm acknowledging this whole intention/manifestation thing as a very powerful phenomenon, and I'm not about to belittle it any more. I can be really snotty sometimes - thinking I know things when I really don't know a lot at all. I try to be open to things, but I can be very judgmental if the things seem silly. Another opportunity to work with my sweet, BIG ego. Well, I don't think instant manifestation is silly anymore, but I still think that it will come about ONLY if it's ALSO in our Divine Blueprint for our Highest Good. If that's true, then obviously it was in my Highest Good to get our sweet little camper. Yay.
I decided to extend my experimentations to a broader scope. Our two sweet sons are still living at home, figuring out how to move out into the bigger world on their own. I used to think thoughts like "Maybe they'll never move out, or be on their own, or be independent." Look at how those thoughts just nosedive to the lower frequencies. I'm probably CREATING those circumstances by my thoughts, so I did a 180, and started visualizing my sons smiling and happy, living in their own apartments, surrounded by friends, going to their jobs and school, finding healthy, safe activities to participate in. Whenever I feel a negative thought creeping in, I replace it with one of those happy, loving thoughts. Well, my oldest son is moving out in two weeks, and is very happy, sweet, and excited about life. My stepson still lives with us, but I can sense a shift in him as I approach him with unconditional love and support, not entering into the old games or thought patterns. I'm convinced that if I keep this up love will prevail, and the most loving outcome is inevitable.
I was wrong; there IS a time and a place for manifesting physical things, but I still know that we're not in this alone, and there's a whole heck of a lot I don't know. I think we're a part of a bigger system that's coming to recognize itself as ONE, and all of us as just various parts of the WHOLE. So if you see me toodling down the highway in my beautiful Rialta, honk and wave. Apparently, the Secret's out, and I'm going to keep working with it, even if it HAS been around for a long, long time. It's good to be reminded of it.
So there I go - we've been looking for a camper for 5 years. We'd narrowed it down to a Rialta, as they're small and easy to drive. Our friends found theirs for a ridiculously low price, and I was convinced we'd never be able to find one for that cheap - a dealer told us that a '91 Rialta would cost us around $41,000-$45,000. What - are they kidding me? I'd NEVER pay that much (not that we have that much to spend on a camper, anyway).
So we found one on eBay that sounded just perfect. A '95 with only 27,000 miles on it - pristine and new. I looked at it, and felt this energy zing through me. "Yah, sure," I thought, "but everybody feels that when they WANT something. Like it's 'supposed' to be mine." So I dismissed the feeling. I watched the bidding throughout the weekend, then decided to put the law of attraction into effect. Actually, I haven't read anything about it, and didn't watch the movie, so I maybe made up my own visualization. I first asked my "Guys" about it. They said if I wanted it, I could get it for under a certain price. I thought they were crazy. It was WAY lower than any asking price, but I acknowledged my intuitive information. I then sat quietly and saw myself placing the bid, saw me winning the bid (for the low price), then saw us all driving in it. I kept that image in my head throughout the weekend while we were down in Minneapolis with Kari.
I watched the bidding as it neared a close on Sunday evening. It was still within my limit, ridiculously low - no one had really even BID on it since I'd left Friday noon. Strange - all of the other Rialta's bids were around $30,000. I waited until 5 minutes to go, then placed my order - $600 LOWER than what my Guys said I could pay. Hey, faith, you know. I watched the close of the bidding. I WON. I couldn't believe it, really I couldn't. I got it for way less than HALF of what it was worth. So I'm acknowledging this whole intention/manifestation thing as a very powerful phenomenon, and I'm not about to belittle it any more. I can be really snotty sometimes - thinking I know things when I really don't know a lot at all. I try to be open to things, but I can be very judgmental if the things seem silly. Another opportunity to work with my sweet, BIG ego. Well, I don't think instant manifestation is silly anymore, but I still think that it will come about ONLY if it's ALSO in our Divine Blueprint for our Highest Good. If that's true, then obviously it was in my Highest Good to get our sweet little camper. Yay.
I decided to extend my experimentations to a broader scope. Our two sweet sons are still living at home, figuring out how to move out into the bigger world on their own. I used to think thoughts like "Maybe they'll never move out, or be on their own, or be independent." Look at how those thoughts just nosedive to the lower frequencies. I'm probably CREATING those circumstances by my thoughts, so I did a 180, and started visualizing my sons smiling and happy, living in their own apartments, surrounded by friends, going to their jobs and school, finding healthy, safe activities to participate in. Whenever I feel a negative thought creeping in, I replace it with one of those happy, loving thoughts. Well, my oldest son is moving out in two weeks, and is very happy, sweet, and excited about life. My stepson still lives with us, but I can sense a shift in him as I approach him with unconditional love and support, not entering into the old games or thought patterns. I'm convinced that if I keep this up love will prevail, and the most loving outcome is inevitable.
I was wrong; there IS a time and a place for manifesting physical things, but I still know that we're not in this alone, and there's a whole heck of a lot I don't know. I think we're a part of a bigger system that's coming to recognize itself as ONE, and all of us as just various parts of the WHOLE. So if you see me toodling down the highway in my beautiful Rialta, honk and wave. Apparently, the Secret's out, and I'm going to keep working with it, even if it HAS been around for a long, long time. It's good to be reminded of it.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
MORE dreams?
You've got to be kidding. It was the night of dreaming. I woke up exhausted, like I'd been out running all night. The most intense dream was the first: Steve and I had bought a new home, and had moved everything in. Steve said, "It's supposed to mean something if one person has most of the stuff in the house." In "real" life, most of the stuff in our house IS my stuff. We started arguing, and I said to him, "It's your soul goal this lifetime to stand up to me." WHAT? Please, no, let me do what I want - don't stand up to me in "real" life, but upon awakening, I felt that this was an important dream, and probably pretty true to life. But it's not just standing up to me - it's standing up to his oldest son, and probably just standing up for his own life. What are his dreams? His goals? His passions? Is he living them? Heck, am I living them? Do we each take responsibility for our own lives, for our own happiness, or do we just drift along, waiting for our lives to happen? I'm not quite sure, but my feeling upon awakening was something like, "oh crap." Come to think of it, I can't even remember my other dreams, but I KNOW there were a lot of them.
If it's true that we just passed through a giant energy shift that catapulted most of us up into the upper energy realms, then this is our time for integrating and getting acclimated to our new surroundings. My hint is that everything that is still unresolved is coming up, and mine tend to be coming up through my dreams. So I'm just looking at the dreams as a teaching tool, not getting too bogged down in the details (except that one dream about Colin Firth - I want to remember THAT one in vivid detail - he was SUCH a good dancer).
And coincidences? They're everywhere - I can't even keep up. I'm reading about deeksha, the enlightenment by touch, and here comes today's Daily Om, all about deeksha. The most fascinating part about that whole concept for me is the definition of how our brains are affected by this energy. The parietal lobe is being shut down (the parietal is where we experience ourselves as separate from others), and our frontal lobes are being opened (the frontal lobes is where we experience ourselves as one with others). They call it "opening a hole in your mind for God to come through," and I think that's EXACTLY how I've been feeling. When my temples are splitting, and I feel a tight band around my forehead, and the top of my head is hot hot hot - I can FEEL those bones moving around, can't you? It's just been going on too long for me to even really think about the process of the moving around, but I'm still fascinated that this actually is happening - it's a miracle, and goes beyond any logical definition of what's possible.
I'm learning to sink back and just watch the fireworks in my body - fascinating to say the least. For now everything feels relatively calm today, except my ears were kind of feeling full again last night, along with a soreness in my neck that usually signals an influx of the energy through my system. But I think we're getting a breather right now, so I'm trying to take it kind of easy, resting up and lying on the hammock to watch Sam, our beautiful silver maple. I bought gardening gloves to start weeding our beautiful organic garden in the back, and we're heading off to the Cities for time with Kari. Beautiful beautiful times - I'm here, and I don't quite know where "here" is yet, because it's just like the old, but totally different, somehow. My whole heart area feels softer, deeper, and when I look at other people, I just want to hug them (well, mostly - you know what I mean). It's a good place, not perfect in terms of everything in its place all around me, but okay - everything's okay, and I know that no matter what happens tomorrow, everything will continue to be okay in my world.
If it's true that we just passed through a giant energy shift that catapulted most of us up into the upper energy realms, then this is our time for integrating and getting acclimated to our new surroundings. My hint is that everything that is still unresolved is coming up, and mine tend to be coming up through my dreams. So I'm just looking at the dreams as a teaching tool, not getting too bogged down in the details (except that one dream about Colin Firth - I want to remember THAT one in vivid detail - he was SUCH a good dancer).
And coincidences? They're everywhere - I can't even keep up. I'm reading about deeksha, the enlightenment by touch, and here comes today's Daily Om, all about deeksha. The most fascinating part about that whole concept for me is the definition of how our brains are affected by this energy. The parietal lobe is being shut down (the parietal is where we experience ourselves as separate from others), and our frontal lobes are being opened (the frontal lobes is where we experience ourselves as one with others). They call it "opening a hole in your mind for God to come through," and I think that's EXACTLY how I've been feeling. When my temples are splitting, and I feel a tight band around my forehead, and the top of my head is hot hot hot - I can FEEL those bones moving around, can't you? It's just been going on too long for me to even really think about the process of the moving around, but I'm still fascinated that this actually is happening - it's a miracle, and goes beyond any logical definition of what's possible.
I'm learning to sink back and just watch the fireworks in my body - fascinating to say the least. For now everything feels relatively calm today, except my ears were kind of feeling full again last night, along with a soreness in my neck that usually signals an influx of the energy through my system. But I think we're getting a breather right now, so I'm trying to take it kind of easy, resting up and lying on the hammock to watch Sam, our beautiful silver maple. I bought gardening gloves to start weeding our beautiful organic garden in the back, and we're heading off to the Cities for time with Kari. Beautiful beautiful times - I'm here, and I don't quite know where "here" is yet, because it's just like the old, but totally different, somehow. My whole heart area feels softer, deeper, and when I look at other people, I just want to hug them (well, mostly - you know what I mean). It's a good place, not perfect in terms of everything in its place all around me, but okay - everything's okay, and I know that no matter what happens tomorrow, everything will continue to be okay in my world.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
can't we all just get along?
Billy's in basketball camp this week at NDSU, and he just loves it. They do stretches, high fives, clapping and jumping; all before they even touch a basketball. But today when I went to pick him up, he quietly told me a boy on the other team called him fat. I asked him if it hurt his feelings, and he said sort of. I took a deep breath. What's a mother to do? I wanted to put my arms around him and tell him it's not true - he's beautiful, perfect, just right, but somehow today I knew that just wouldn't cut it. So I looked at him and said, "Well, can you think of some things you can say back to people who say hurtful things to you?"
"How about, 'well, I can see that someone needs a nap,' " he said, then started smiling a little bit. "Or how about, 'well, at least I'm not mean,' " I suggested. He nodded his head. We talked back and forth, practicing what he could say if it should happen again. Finally I looked at him and said, "Bill, in a perfect world nobody has to be mean to anyone else, because we're all so happy with ourselves that we just want to love and help each other. Usually people who are mean are unhappy with themselves."
"Yeah," Bill said, "or they might be jealous."
"Of course," I answered. "A boy who's shorter than you might feel badly about that, so he'll pick on you because he thinks that might make himself feel better."
"But being mean to someone else doesn't help YOU," my Buddha Bill answered.
"No, it really doesn't," I said, then we turned to watch the playing, our arms draped loosely around each other's shoulders.
But as I sit here, I'm really wondering what's so tough about getting along? Why did that little boy have to say that to Bill? Why did he take the time to notice that Bill was different than he was, and then make that a criticism? Aren't we at a point in our soul's evolution that we can just look at each other and just see another being? You can tell me that people are mean, but I just don't buy that anymore. I think at the core all people are kind and beautiful and loving, and I think everyone WANTS to be that way, except we just don't know HOW to get there and/or stay there. "Stuff" gets in our way - we get tired, or restless, or impatient, or overwhelmed - something LOW gets into our lives and we let it get the best of us. Then there's Bill, who really hardly has a mean bone in his body. Don't get me wrong - he can be a little stinker sometimes, but overall he's loving and accepting of everyone. He lets them just BE, if that makes sense. He understands their shortcomings and loves them anyway. I want to be like Bill.
How many times have I been unconscious, and just said something mean, even hearing myself as I speak the words and wondering why I'm speaking them, when I don't even really mean them? How many times have I not hugged Steve when I really want to, because, well, he didn't unload the dishwasher and I'm not feeling too affectionate because he SHOULD have done that. Or whatever. Conditions, expectations, limitations, and habits. All low energy. And we're through the low energy. We popped out of that about three weeks ago - did you feel that intensity? Yowser, I know I sure did. But now everything is lighter on my insides, and I'm more peaceful, more loving, more centered. I did a meditation this morning in which I saw an infinity symbol weaving into the side of my body, curving and weaving out the other side. Up and down the length of my spine, a golden infinity symbol. It was just beautiful, and when it was all done, I had a hard time standing up, had a hard time focusing, like I had just taken a long nap. It was wonderful, and I'm still in that place. Something's DIFFERENT, don't you think?
So, if it IS all different in our lives, what do we need to do? I think it's about becoming more conscious of ourselves in our lives. Becoming present to ourselves, seeing our lives from our centers out, instead of living our lives on our outsides because we're always so dang busy. I bought some flowers at Baker's Nursery today, and enjoyed just walking up and down the aisles. I found some lamb's ear and held the fuzzy leaf against my cheek. It is SO soft. I put the carts into my car and listened to 91.1 as I drove home, humming. I don't think I could've been any happier than that moment, being totally present to myself and my life. It was perfect.
I wonder how long it will take us all to get to that place of Oneness? To that place where we all get along, because we finally realize that we're all just parts of the same thing. How can I hate myself? Well, okay, we actually DO hate ourselves sometimes, and that's part of the problem. So, first I love myself, then I love everyone else, and Billy dribbles the basketball with a smile on his face, KNOWING that he's perfect, and knowing that everyone else is perfect, as well. It IS all good, it really is. I know it is.
"How about, 'well, I can see that someone needs a nap,' " he said, then started smiling a little bit. "Or how about, 'well, at least I'm not mean,' " I suggested. He nodded his head. We talked back and forth, practicing what he could say if it should happen again. Finally I looked at him and said, "Bill, in a perfect world nobody has to be mean to anyone else, because we're all so happy with ourselves that we just want to love and help each other. Usually people who are mean are unhappy with themselves."
"Yeah," Bill said, "or they might be jealous."
"Of course," I answered. "A boy who's shorter than you might feel badly about that, so he'll pick on you because he thinks that might make himself feel better."
"But being mean to someone else doesn't help YOU," my Buddha Bill answered.
"No, it really doesn't," I said, then we turned to watch the playing, our arms draped loosely around each other's shoulders.
But as I sit here, I'm really wondering what's so tough about getting along? Why did that little boy have to say that to Bill? Why did he take the time to notice that Bill was different than he was, and then make that a criticism? Aren't we at a point in our soul's evolution that we can just look at each other and just see another being? You can tell me that people are mean, but I just don't buy that anymore. I think at the core all people are kind and beautiful and loving, and I think everyone WANTS to be that way, except we just don't know HOW to get there and/or stay there. "Stuff" gets in our way - we get tired, or restless, or impatient, or overwhelmed - something LOW gets into our lives and we let it get the best of us. Then there's Bill, who really hardly has a mean bone in his body. Don't get me wrong - he can be a little stinker sometimes, but overall he's loving and accepting of everyone. He lets them just BE, if that makes sense. He understands their shortcomings and loves them anyway. I want to be like Bill.
How many times have I been unconscious, and just said something mean, even hearing myself as I speak the words and wondering why I'm speaking them, when I don't even really mean them? How many times have I not hugged Steve when I really want to, because, well, he didn't unload the dishwasher and I'm not feeling too affectionate because he SHOULD have done that. Or whatever. Conditions, expectations, limitations, and habits. All low energy. And we're through the low energy. We popped out of that about three weeks ago - did you feel that intensity? Yowser, I know I sure did. But now everything is lighter on my insides, and I'm more peaceful, more loving, more centered. I did a meditation this morning in which I saw an infinity symbol weaving into the side of my body, curving and weaving out the other side. Up and down the length of my spine, a golden infinity symbol. It was just beautiful, and when it was all done, I had a hard time standing up, had a hard time focusing, like I had just taken a long nap. It was wonderful, and I'm still in that place. Something's DIFFERENT, don't you think?
So, if it IS all different in our lives, what do we need to do? I think it's about becoming more conscious of ourselves in our lives. Becoming present to ourselves, seeing our lives from our centers out, instead of living our lives on our outsides because we're always so dang busy. I bought some flowers at Baker's Nursery today, and enjoyed just walking up and down the aisles. I found some lamb's ear and held the fuzzy leaf against my cheek. It is SO soft. I put the carts into my car and listened to 91.1 as I drove home, humming. I don't think I could've been any happier than that moment, being totally present to myself and my life. It was perfect.
I wonder how long it will take us all to get to that place of Oneness? To that place where we all get along, because we finally realize that we're all just parts of the same thing. How can I hate myself? Well, okay, we actually DO hate ourselves sometimes, and that's part of the problem. So, first I love myself, then I love everyone else, and Billy dribbles the basketball with a smile on his face, KNOWING that he's perfect, and knowing that everyone else is perfect, as well. It IS all good, it really is. I know it is.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
... what dreams may come
I dreamt that there was a bowl full of cut up Pop Tarts, and I was eating blueberry ones with sprinkles on top. I told myself I could eat one little bite of each kind. There was vanilla ice cream involved, as well, but I didn't eat any of that. This isn't the first sugar-eating dream I've had. I've devoured pans of brownies, scraped my tongue on the bottom of fudge plates, smelled Snickers when I woke up. Steve says it's probably what alcoholics experience when they sober up - years later they can still dream they're drinking, and wake up smelling the alcohol. It still disturbs me sometimes, because I really DON'T want to eat unhealthy food anymore, but it's like my brain's saying, "Heck yes - pop some of those M&M's right in the ol' moutharooskie." So I'm resigned to the fact that while my mind and body say "yes yes" to healthy eating, my subconscious mind slinks out at night and raids the pantry in search of Chips Ahoy and frozen Snickers bars.
It's a strange feeling that's surrounding me this afternoon, like there's something big on the horizon that's about to get here. Or I'm going to meet IT, or whatever is happening. Things around our house have calmed down in the wake of this latest "say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done" energy shift, but there's still drama building with one of our own, and it could go either way, I'm thinking, but that's how it feels for most ALL of us right now. What's building inside me, and how is it going to manifest? For me, that's a non-issue - it's always for the good, but that's a judgment term, meaning there IS bad out there, and I think everything is all shades of the Same Thing, whatever that "thing" is. We all need to figure out our own paths, and how we walk them, and we all get to decide what we discover along our path. But one thing that definitely feels like it's up right now is the urging for each of us to take responsibility for our lives. No more victims, no more blaming. That's going to be a difficult one for me, coming from a strong heritage of martyrdom. Our standard family joke is to cough and say, "Oh, don't worry about me - I'll be all right," which is a good thing to say to remind ourselves when we feel put upon or overburdened. For that's probably what the message we ARE trying to convey to others when they ask us to do something we don't want to do. We'll DO it, but we'll make darned good and sure that they KNOW what an imposition it is for us, but in the end, we'll be all right. Well, we'd BETTER be all right, because we're all we've got.
So, what's building in me, then? The passing away of the old and into the new. I love my family, I love my kids, I love my mom and dad, but I worry about them. I take care of them, too much probably, as I hover and ask questions. It can get annoying. My favorite joke with Steve is to ask him over and over and over again, "Am I high maintenance?" That also reminds me that if I'M catching that I may be too demanding of him for anything, that I AM being high maintenance in those moments, and I need to fall back and start taking care of myself. Goodness sakes - can you imagine what kind of beautiful world we'd live in if everyone took care of themselves? So I've adjusted my over-parenting concerns - I've stepped back and let the boys do their things, telling them that I love them, but not swooping in to wash their clothes or pick up their dishes or repark their cars on the street if I'm penned in. No - not anymore. How can we expect others to become self-sufficient if we keep giving them the subtle messages that they can't take care of them as well as WE can take care of them? Sure, there's an amount of satisfaction to be gleaned from being needed, but sheesh - I get tired of having 7 people hanging out on my back - those are some mighty heavy burdens to carry, and I don't think we're able to CARRY other people's energies anymore - that's why you'll probably be seeing a lot more flare-ups between different relationships as the rules are changed.
I know my family doesn't like some of our new rules - "why are we being punished?" was one loud question asked the other day. Interesting to note that we were just stating RULES to be followed, and there were actually NO punishments being doled out. That child was equating rules with punishment, as if it were impossible to follow rules, or that there should be NO rules, or something. I'm not quite sure, but something has definitely shifted inside of me, and I'm curious as to what's next. I'm not actively looking for it, because that's tiring. But when I notice my body starting to stiffen as the new energies come in anew, I instead tell my body to trust the process, relax, and open to the transformations taking place. That seems to help the whole process. But trust is hard, isn't it? That letting go of your tiny little kingdom, that you never even ruled in the first place? Ouch - maybe that's just me that thought I was in control of my life. Think about it - there's not much you ARE in control of. Maybe letting go is the wisest decision - I'm still working on it, to be sure.
It's a strange feeling that's surrounding me this afternoon, like there's something big on the horizon that's about to get here. Or I'm going to meet IT, or whatever is happening. Things around our house have calmed down in the wake of this latest "say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done" energy shift, but there's still drama building with one of our own, and it could go either way, I'm thinking, but that's how it feels for most ALL of us right now. What's building inside me, and how is it going to manifest? For me, that's a non-issue - it's always for the good, but that's a judgment term, meaning there IS bad out there, and I think everything is all shades of the Same Thing, whatever that "thing" is. We all need to figure out our own paths, and how we walk them, and we all get to decide what we discover along our path. But one thing that definitely feels like it's up right now is the urging for each of us to take responsibility for our lives. No more victims, no more blaming. That's going to be a difficult one for me, coming from a strong heritage of martyrdom. Our standard family joke is to cough and say, "Oh, don't worry about me - I'll be all right," which is a good thing to say to remind ourselves when we feel put upon or overburdened. For that's probably what the message we ARE trying to convey to others when they ask us to do something we don't want to do. We'll DO it, but we'll make darned good and sure that they KNOW what an imposition it is for us, but in the end, we'll be all right. Well, we'd BETTER be all right, because we're all we've got.
So, what's building in me, then? The passing away of the old and into the new. I love my family, I love my kids, I love my mom and dad, but I worry about them. I take care of them, too much probably, as I hover and ask questions. It can get annoying. My favorite joke with Steve is to ask him over and over and over again, "Am I high maintenance?" That also reminds me that if I'M catching that I may be too demanding of him for anything, that I AM being high maintenance in those moments, and I need to fall back and start taking care of myself. Goodness sakes - can you imagine what kind of beautiful world we'd live in if everyone took care of themselves? So I've adjusted my over-parenting concerns - I've stepped back and let the boys do their things, telling them that I love them, but not swooping in to wash their clothes or pick up their dishes or repark their cars on the street if I'm penned in. No - not anymore. How can we expect others to become self-sufficient if we keep giving them the subtle messages that they can't take care of them as well as WE can take care of them? Sure, there's an amount of satisfaction to be gleaned from being needed, but sheesh - I get tired of having 7 people hanging out on my back - those are some mighty heavy burdens to carry, and I don't think we're able to CARRY other people's energies anymore - that's why you'll probably be seeing a lot more flare-ups between different relationships as the rules are changed.
I know my family doesn't like some of our new rules - "why are we being punished?" was one loud question asked the other day. Interesting to note that we were just stating RULES to be followed, and there were actually NO punishments being doled out. That child was equating rules with punishment, as if it were impossible to follow rules, or that there should be NO rules, or something. I'm not quite sure, but something has definitely shifted inside of me, and I'm curious as to what's next. I'm not actively looking for it, because that's tiring. But when I notice my body starting to stiffen as the new energies come in anew, I instead tell my body to trust the process, relax, and open to the transformations taking place. That seems to help the whole process. But trust is hard, isn't it? That letting go of your tiny little kingdom, that you never even ruled in the first place? Ouch - maybe that's just me that thought I was in control of my life. Think about it - there's not much you ARE in control of. Maybe letting go is the wisest decision - I'm still working on it, to be sure.
Monday, June 4, 2007
No coincidences ...
I typed yesterday's post, and it didn't go through, so I guess I wasn't supposed to post it - no coincidences. I don't worry too much about things that don't work the way I "think" they should. There's just too much going on these days to try to figure it all out. My head hurts when I try to. But it would be nice if this sweet little brain fog from the past month would clear. I worry about it at stoplights - "Now does GREEN mean GO, or STOP?" I'm not even kidding. I have to slow down and concentrate at almost every light (but don't worry if you see me driving around town - I totally look like a normal driver).
My ears don't feel full today, don't feel like popping, and I think it's interesting that if I read the symptoms of Meniere's Syndrome AND TMJ, they're both the same, so I guess I'll take the middle road and say that I'm perfectly healthy. It just doesn't seem like there's anything that's diagnosable in most all people these days, as long as we're living clean lifestyles (organic as much as possible, clean water, as much natural food as possible, nothing artificial, on and on). But I still get checked out if I'm worried, which is important, but I don't run in for every little thing - I'd go broke. I suppose the medical community is counting on us continuing to rely on Western medicine, but I think we're way beyond that. We're entering a place of wholeness, I believe, where we need to employ a variety of strategies that makes sense to US, not necessarily to anyone else, to help keep our lives in beautiful order. For me, it includes regular walking, stretching and yoga, drinking milk thistle and dandelion root tea (although we could just walk outside and get our fill of dandelions), drinking at least 3-4 liters of water every day, getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night, playing as often as possible with friends and family, taking a teensy amount of supplements (fish oil, coq10, natural hormones, and adrenal support).
I just started reading "Deeksha", a book friend Pam gave me after I told her that I'd read about the theory of Deeksha in a spiritual magazine. Deeksha is the process by which enlightenment is "bestowed" upon someone, usually by passing through someone's hands to the person's head. It is a powerful energy that affects the parietal region of the skull that deals with unity consciousness. The interesting thing about that initial article I read is that I'd been feeling these intense shifts in my frontal and parietal region of my head, which is what's affected by this energy, so I'm figuring that I'm (and a lot of people I talk with) are going through this same process of "enlightenment", only without someone actually bestowing it on us. What I found interesting in the FIRST paragraph of this book are the following words:
"As the physical body begins to integrate these new energies, some people report headaches, aches and pains in the body, heart palpitations, feelings of disorientation, dizziness, nausea, changes in sleep and eating patterns, hot and cold flashes, flulike symptoms, and so on."
Oh my goodness - EXACTLY what I've been experiencing intensely for the past year of transformation. So ... there ARE no coincidences as I continue on this fascinating path of uncovering Who I Am. By just letting the Divine Blueprint come forward, I make for the least resistance. I'm tired of pushing the river, I'm tired of thinking I know what's best all the time. I obviously DON'T. What am I in control of? Not much, from where I'm sitting. So when I think of something I'd like (my sons to be happy), I hold that image in my head of what that would look like, and call THAT future into being. I know it's a good thought, and will unfold in its time, no thanks to my pushings and forcings. It's all good, it really is. And I know that. I just forget sometimes. Maybe it's that feeling of disorientation the book is talking about.
So until next time, we watch the Red rise, and hope it doesn't flood, because too much of anything can destroy, but just enough of anything is ... just right.
My ears don't feel full today, don't feel like popping, and I think it's interesting that if I read the symptoms of Meniere's Syndrome AND TMJ, they're both the same, so I guess I'll take the middle road and say that I'm perfectly healthy. It just doesn't seem like there's anything that's diagnosable in most all people these days, as long as we're living clean lifestyles (organic as much as possible, clean water, as much natural food as possible, nothing artificial, on and on). But I still get checked out if I'm worried, which is important, but I don't run in for every little thing - I'd go broke. I suppose the medical community is counting on us continuing to rely on Western medicine, but I think we're way beyond that. We're entering a place of wholeness, I believe, where we need to employ a variety of strategies that makes sense to US, not necessarily to anyone else, to help keep our lives in beautiful order. For me, it includes regular walking, stretching and yoga, drinking milk thistle and dandelion root tea (although we could just walk outside and get our fill of dandelions), drinking at least 3-4 liters of water every day, getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night, playing as often as possible with friends and family, taking a teensy amount of supplements (fish oil, coq10, natural hormones, and adrenal support).
I just started reading "Deeksha", a book friend Pam gave me after I told her that I'd read about the theory of Deeksha in a spiritual magazine. Deeksha is the process by which enlightenment is "bestowed" upon someone, usually by passing through someone's hands to the person's head. It is a powerful energy that affects the parietal region of the skull that deals with unity consciousness. The interesting thing about that initial article I read is that I'd been feeling these intense shifts in my frontal and parietal region of my head, which is what's affected by this energy, so I'm figuring that I'm (and a lot of people I talk with) are going through this same process of "enlightenment", only without someone actually bestowing it on us. What I found interesting in the FIRST paragraph of this book are the following words:
"As the physical body begins to integrate these new energies, some people report headaches, aches and pains in the body, heart palpitations, feelings of disorientation, dizziness, nausea, changes in sleep and eating patterns, hot and cold flashes, flulike symptoms, and so on."
Oh my goodness - EXACTLY what I've been experiencing intensely for the past year of transformation. So ... there ARE no coincidences as I continue on this fascinating path of uncovering Who I Am. By just letting the Divine Blueprint come forward, I make for the least resistance. I'm tired of pushing the river, I'm tired of thinking I know what's best all the time. I obviously DON'T. What am I in control of? Not much, from where I'm sitting. So when I think of something I'd like (my sons to be happy), I hold that image in my head of what that would look like, and call THAT future into being. I know it's a good thought, and will unfold in its time, no thanks to my pushings and forcings. It's all good, it really is. And I know that. I just forget sometimes. Maybe it's that feeling of disorientation the book is talking about.
So until next time, we watch the Red rise, and hope it doesn't flood, because too much of anything can destroy, but just enough of anything is ... just right.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
death of the old...
My Uncle Carl died unexpectedly, so to support Dad, and Aunt Dort and our cousins, a few of us flew down to Iowa yesterday for the funeral. It was a beautiful sunny day (a nice change after all of our rain), and we ate our rice salad and Subway sandwiches out on the patio so we could feel the sun on our faces. As we walked up the hill to the gravesite, I noticed how beautiful it is in Ames. I don't think I've ever been there. We saw the urn on top of the green "fake grass" and I started to cry. It's so hard to imagine that dust is what remains of Uncle Carl. He was a big man, probably 6'6" at least, and so gentle and intelligent. He taught Civil Engineering at Iowa State University for 30 years, and was well loved by everyone. The church was packed. While we stood at the gravesite listening to the pastor, a cousin whispered to us, "that's the only oak tree in the area." We nodded, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary about that piece of news. "And we're on a hill," she whispered. Again, we nodded, but didn't get it. "What does the name "Ekberg" mean?" she prompted us. Our jaws dropped - the name "Ekberg" literally means "Tall oak on a hill." So there's Uncle Carl, our tall oak on a hill. Perfect. Just perfect.
Dad gave the most beautiful remembrances of Carl, ending with the poem from the Corps. It went something like "when at last you're all done, you can say, "a job well done." " Or something like that. I started crying all over again, not so much for Uncle Carl, because I think he's in a great place right now, and not necessarily for Aunt Dort or all my cousins, but more thinking about the fact that that will be my OWN dad pretty soon, and I'll be the one sitting in the front pew, my shoulders heaving. So I walked through Aunt Dort's house, quietly picking up their plates, forks and cups. I rinsed them off and put them in the dishwasher. I brought the food in from the front room, and put it all back in their containers and put them back in the fridge. I washed the coffee maker and the punch pitcher and wiped down the counters. My cousins Janet and Gretchen came into the kitchen, and when they saw the kitchen, started crying. We all just stood there holding each other for a while. We didn't say anything at all.
We boarded the plane at 9PM and headed back home. I had a splitting headache and my back hurt, but it was such an honor to be a part of that day. Janet whispered to me that I'll never know how much our being there made it better for them. Looking at all 15 of us sitting around that dinner table, I was struck by how we all look alike, even if we have different fathers and mothers. That's DNA at its finest, spreading the Ekberg genes around the country. Looking at all those beautiful faces, I've just got to believe that's a good deal.
I hugged Dad a little closer when we got off the plane, and hugged Bill and Steve a little longer when I got home, exhausted, around 11:30. Life just sprints along, and Dad and Carl were just little kids up at Blackduck, catching minnows, a dozen for $1. Wasn't that just a minute ago? I don't want to miss anything, I don't want to say, "I wish I'd done that," whatever "that" is. I don't want any regrets - I want to live long and love well. I want to keep laughing and not ever forget what we're here for - to love and be together in this big soup. It's always going to be a bit tough, a bit scary, but when we've got each other to hold onto, it makes it all a lot gentler. So I think I'll keep letting the old die - the old thoughts of what's right and wrong, what's good and bad, and think more about how I love everyone to the best of my ability.
Now the sun is shining, I've just gone for a walk, and Steve's got hamburgers on the grill - it doesn't get much better than this, so I'm off to the next adventure. Dad always says, "Don't forget to celebrate." I'll try to remember that.
Dad gave the most beautiful remembrances of Carl, ending with the poem from the Corps. It went something like "when at last you're all done, you can say, "a job well done." " Or something like that. I started crying all over again, not so much for Uncle Carl, because I think he's in a great place right now, and not necessarily for Aunt Dort or all my cousins, but more thinking about the fact that that will be my OWN dad pretty soon, and I'll be the one sitting in the front pew, my shoulders heaving. So I walked through Aunt Dort's house, quietly picking up their plates, forks and cups. I rinsed them off and put them in the dishwasher. I brought the food in from the front room, and put it all back in their containers and put them back in the fridge. I washed the coffee maker and the punch pitcher and wiped down the counters. My cousins Janet and Gretchen came into the kitchen, and when they saw the kitchen, started crying. We all just stood there holding each other for a while. We didn't say anything at all.
We boarded the plane at 9PM and headed back home. I had a splitting headache and my back hurt, but it was such an honor to be a part of that day. Janet whispered to me that I'll never know how much our being there made it better for them. Looking at all 15 of us sitting around that dinner table, I was struck by how we all look alike, even if we have different fathers and mothers. That's DNA at its finest, spreading the Ekberg genes around the country. Looking at all those beautiful faces, I've just got to believe that's a good deal.
I hugged Dad a little closer when we got off the plane, and hugged Bill and Steve a little longer when I got home, exhausted, around 11:30. Life just sprints along, and Dad and Carl were just little kids up at Blackduck, catching minnows, a dozen for $1. Wasn't that just a minute ago? I don't want to miss anything, I don't want to say, "I wish I'd done that," whatever "that" is. I don't want any regrets - I want to live long and love well. I want to keep laughing and not ever forget what we're here for - to love and be together in this big soup. It's always going to be a bit tough, a bit scary, but when we've got each other to hold onto, it makes it all a lot gentler. So I think I'll keep letting the old die - the old thoughts of what's right and wrong, what's good and bad, and think more about how I love everyone to the best of my ability.
Now the sun is shining, I've just gone for a walk, and Steve's got hamburgers on the grill - it doesn't get much better than this, so I'm off to the next adventure. Dad always says, "Don't forget to celebrate." I'll try to remember that.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Ego takes a hit ...
Emotions are high everywhere right now. People saying things they've needed to say for a long time, do things that are long overdue, to bring correction to their lives, get them firmly back on their paths. I'm no different, but apparently am having trouble saying what I need to say because my throat hurts and is coated with something. I have to keep clearing my throat. I know it's energetic, because it's happened before, but there's something new about this pain, almost like my body's disappointed that I'm not saying what I need to say. What is it? I'll have to keep trying to figure it out, I guess. I'm sure it's around the concept of boundaries (or lack thereof). I think it's harder because I'm a psychic, and have always just sort of blended with everything and everyone around me, connected to the All, or something like that. But like I tell my clients, if you don't put a fence up around your house, you can't get mad at the cows for trampling your flowers!
So I continue to walk the fine line between insecure ego actions and healthy ego boundaries. It's so hard to tell sometimes, but a clue for me is that when I feel the need to defend or attack, that's my insecure ego rearing its head. When someone hurts my feelings, it's okay (and necessary) to tell them that their words or actions have hurt me. I'm not asking them to change, just taking care of myself. Can't you just feel it? That hurt, if you let it in, just stings in your body. I don't want that in my life. I also think there's a lot of projection out there - people saying things to you that are really about them, but it's too painful for them to see it in themselves. Maybe if they can dump it on you it will relieve their pain? No, but people continue to do it. What will it take for us all to take responsibility for our lives? To see ourselves and our lives clearly so we don't have to take it out on anyone else? I'm human, goodness, I'm far from perfect in the sense of never "messing up," but there's so much pain caused by our own insecurities, that I really strive not to hurt anyone else by my speech, thoughts, or actions.
After two difficult situations arising yesterday, my beautiful sweet mom said something that caused me to get a little upset. I chose to remain silent for a moment, then, sensing her hesitation back toward me, decided to tell her (briefly) about the two painful things that had happened, and suggested that maybe we talk about her stuff tomorrow. She instantly softened, and we were able to keep talking. I love my mom more than anything, and don't want anything to come between us, not me having a bad day, and certainly not ever me taking anything out on HER. For goodness sakes, aren't we evolving past that? I certainly hope so. So I am in training to stay mindful and conscious in the midst of these changes; to stay soft, and open to seeing and doing things in a fresh way. "How can I see this situation differently? What else can I say or do? What is in this person that is causing them to act this way?(because it's not about me)"
That's the intriguing part for me - it's all about me, and it's all about you, and you, and you. If we live our lives from our insides, we see everything through our colors and distortions, so everything is relative to our focal point. So if I say something to you, and you choose to take offense (and I didn't mean to hurt you), then it's all for you to figure out what's going on with you that you translated my words into hurts. If you tell me I'm mean and fat and ugly, I can either look at myself to see if there's any truth in it, or just put my mirror up so you can look at what you just said and figure out what's in YOU that made you see me that way. You see? It's like an endless set of mirrors bouncing reflections back and forth forever. What's real and what's a reflection? It seems to me both are real AND both are reflections.
So I sit here this morning and think about hurtful words that have been spoken to me in the last 24 hours, and if there is any truth in them, or if these people are striking out in their own pain, or maybe a little of both. It's hard to know sometimes in this human soup, where we're all swimming around, bumping into each other, trying to find our ways and be happy. But I DO know some things for sure, and they are these: we are not in this alone; we are all connected and there IS something beyond this physical existence. WE continue long after our physical lives are done, and we're in relationship with a deeper reality than we see here. And lastly, but never leastly, that love is the only thing there is - really, this I know FOR SURE.
So I continue to walk the fine line between insecure ego actions and healthy ego boundaries. It's so hard to tell sometimes, but a clue for me is that when I feel the need to defend or attack, that's my insecure ego rearing its head. When someone hurts my feelings, it's okay (and necessary) to tell them that their words or actions have hurt me. I'm not asking them to change, just taking care of myself. Can't you just feel it? That hurt, if you let it in, just stings in your body. I don't want that in my life. I also think there's a lot of projection out there - people saying things to you that are really about them, but it's too painful for them to see it in themselves. Maybe if they can dump it on you it will relieve their pain? No, but people continue to do it. What will it take for us all to take responsibility for our lives? To see ourselves and our lives clearly so we don't have to take it out on anyone else? I'm human, goodness, I'm far from perfect in the sense of never "messing up," but there's so much pain caused by our own insecurities, that I really strive not to hurt anyone else by my speech, thoughts, or actions.
After two difficult situations arising yesterday, my beautiful sweet mom said something that caused me to get a little upset. I chose to remain silent for a moment, then, sensing her hesitation back toward me, decided to tell her (briefly) about the two painful things that had happened, and suggested that maybe we talk about her stuff tomorrow. She instantly softened, and we were able to keep talking. I love my mom more than anything, and don't want anything to come between us, not me having a bad day, and certainly not ever me taking anything out on HER. For goodness sakes, aren't we evolving past that? I certainly hope so. So I am in training to stay mindful and conscious in the midst of these changes; to stay soft, and open to seeing and doing things in a fresh way. "How can I see this situation differently? What else can I say or do? What is in this person that is causing them to act this way?(because it's not about me)"
That's the intriguing part for me - it's all about me, and it's all about you, and you, and you. If we live our lives from our insides, we see everything through our colors and distortions, so everything is relative to our focal point. So if I say something to you, and you choose to take offense (and I didn't mean to hurt you), then it's all for you to figure out what's going on with you that you translated my words into hurts. If you tell me I'm mean and fat and ugly, I can either look at myself to see if there's any truth in it, or just put my mirror up so you can look at what you just said and figure out what's in YOU that made you see me that way. You see? It's like an endless set of mirrors bouncing reflections back and forth forever. What's real and what's a reflection? It seems to me both are real AND both are reflections.
So I sit here this morning and think about hurtful words that have been spoken to me in the last 24 hours, and if there is any truth in them, or if these people are striking out in their own pain, or maybe a little of both. It's hard to know sometimes in this human soup, where we're all swimming around, bumping into each other, trying to find our ways and be happy. But I DO know some things for sure, and they are these: we are not in this alone; we are all connected and there IS something beyond this physical existence. WE continue long after our physical lives are done, and we're in relationship with a deeper reality than we see here. And lastly, but never leastly, that love is the only thing there is - really, this I know FOR SURE.
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