and so it starts...

The next shift that will usher in the 7.7.07 phenomenon. What is it? From what I'm getting, it's one of the final clearings of all of our lower energies so we can abide more comfortably in our bodies and new environment. When I look around me, or catch glimpses of the news, it almost feels like I'm sitting in a glass bubble and am looking out at all of the junk that's going on. I feel like I'm separate from it, almost like I'm watching a movie. Now, I still cry and get sad and upset when I hear about someone's father dying, or someone who's got cancer, but there's a deeper understanding of what's going on, maybe. Thankfully my ears aren't that plugged up, as the start of the shift was on June 21, the summer solstice. That day my left ear was full, and my right ear was ringing, but that all seems to have calmed down. I even slept really well last night, as opposed to sleeping lightly and getting up frequently for the two nights before that. I guess we'll just never know how we're going to sleep on any given night, but I slept 10 hours, and overall feel a little less tired than I've felt for the past few months.

I was grocery shopping this afternoon, and as I walked by the frozen pizza section, I was overcome with these feelings of sadness, thinking of certain events in my past that involved my family of origin. Good grief, I'm thinking, am I STILL dealing with all of that? I SO thought I was over it all - healed, forgiven, all good, yup, it's all good, and there I was, angry and fighting back tears when the events just kept scrolling in front of my vision. Birthday cards sent to family and not reciprocated, graduation parties that we've attended, but others not coming to ours, others being invited to parties and for holidays and us not - on and on the scenes flashed in front of me, and I drove home with clenched teeth. Seriously, I love my family, I love everyone, and this comes up, and I have to think it has to do with the lower energies releasing, so as I sit here I'm thinking about what the symbolism of it all is, and what part of those stories I haven't released yet. I asked Steve if his feelings ever get hurt by being left out of things, and he said no, that stuff really doesn't bug him. A really good friend of ours didn't invite us to his daughter's graduation party. Now, we shouldn't be bugged - it saved us $50 in a graduation check, I guess, but that wasn't the point. All of our joint friends were invited, and for the life of me, I wrack my brain and can't come up with an explanation of why we're being shunned.

Is it all about me? Does it have to be something I'VE done? Does anything that I'm feeling about not being included, or shunned, or left out of things, have to do with me, or does it have to do with everyone else? If I'm a good, nice, fun person (and I think for the most part I am), then that's not it. But still ... there's something there, if it keeps coming up, and hurting my feelings, or making me angry. If I can stay clear enough and not default into my childhood feelings, I can think of several occasions when I've forgotten birthdays or not invited every single person I know to parties, or for holidays. So whatever THIS is, it wants to be acknowledged and healed for once and for all, and frankly, that would be a big relief - I carry a lot around in that burlap sack on my back - it's still full of rocks, I'm thinking, and others walk around with an empty sack wondering why I'm panting and tired and sore as I lug mine on the ground behind me.

We carry our own issues and baggage - for others there's no charge, no heat, no buttons pushed. For me, well, I guess I've still got some buttons to erase, heat to cool, charges to equalize. Maybe that's what this current shift is all about - housekeeping the rest of the small stuff, and maybe this IS the small stuff. I just know that when that stuff hits, it hits hard, and it doesn't seem to be connected with anything else going on in my life. It just hits. So I don't hit back, or squirm around (well, okay, I squirm around a little bit - I don't appreciate these feelings) - I sit here and breathe and smile at myself and my feelings, and try to love myself - even in spite of it all.