r-e-s-p-e-c-t

It's the 40th anniversary of Aretha Franklin recording "Respect" in New York City, and I listened to a woman sing it on the Prairie Home Companion. I could actually hear all of the words, and part of them were, "I give you all my money, and all I'm asking for is a profit when I get home." Or something like that. Now what does THAT mean? I'm sitting there thinking, "why in the world would she give her man all of her money?", and in exchange for respect. Shouldn't she be worthy of respect just because? So I think of my visit home with Mum and Dad. It was perfect in every way. I planted several container's worth of flowers for their deck, just to bring them some beauty. I cooked all of their meals, 3 of them gourmet (from Dr. Gott's book, by the way), went through 5 tote boxes of letters, photographs and memorabilia, allowing for several hour's worth of stories and nostalgia. I even helped interview two nurses to come in and help Dad out a bit. I watched the way Dad treated Mum, and vice versa. I was amazed, that even with all of the work that goes into their life right now, they never got angry with each other. They both said "thank you" and "please." Dad would walk over and rub Mum's hand, and pat her arm when he put the blanket on her. They've been married 62 years as of a week ago, and they still respect each other.

If we want peace in the whole world, how are we creating it in our own homes? Do we still pick fights, and bitch, just wanting to be right? Okay, that's still me, even if just a little bit - it's hard to give up that "wanting to be right" kind of thing, but Steve keeps saying, "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" and sometimes I think about that before I open my mouth, and sometimes not. I try to always respect Steve and the kids, to be kind and patient, and I think I am, pretty much, but you'd have to ask them to find out for sure. Do I respect my friends, my neighbors, my clients, my acquaintances, the President, people I disagree with? How do my INSIDES feel? Congruent with my outsides? Or nicer on the outside, so people are impressed with me. Ouch. I hope not too much - I try to be consistent with everything. If Bill chewing his food with his mouth open doesn't bother me, I try not to say anything if any of the other kids do the same thing. It's only fair, but I don't suppose I'm always fair. Some days I'm really peaceful, and nothing could shake me or bother me, and other days, I can get really mean - I'll leave dishes in the sink for 2 days if they're not mine (well, I've TOLD them a million times to put their own dishes into the dishwasher - if they don't pick up after themselves, who will? That's sort of my philosophy for most everything in life - if we all took care of our own messes, the world would probably be a really great place). Byron Katie tells us that if something bugs us about someone else, we should just let it be as it is - there's nothing we can do to change anyone else, and I agree, and that's probably the baseline for respect - accepting others just as they are and not having expectations. Expectations makes for resentment, and quelches respect.

I sat outside all day at Brigid's House, doing readings and speaking, and it was glorious. It was hot, but the wind was blowing, and I was in a tent under a tree. Someone asked me why I do this work, and I said, "Because I just want to help, and because I love people," and I realize that's true - we're all doing the best we can, and we all need help and support from others. How can I help others? That's always the question for the day.

So I'm off to spend time with Bill - I've been on the road for almost two week's straight, putting on over 2000 miles. Phew - different body parts are pretty stiff and sore, but nothing some good stretching won't straighten out.