yikes

Oh my oh my, I'm crabby today, and I don't really know why. Do you ever feel like you're just ready to crawl out of your skin, and nothing feels right anymore, and you want to just start all over, like it's just too much right now? I tuned in, and got the message that when we feel this way it means we're on the edge of breaking into a new place, and it's a really good sign that we've integrated all that we need to at this present point and are ready for the next step. So I think, "Well, then THAT'S good, but what can I do now?" So, I hate to admit it, but I did a little on-line retail therapy; justifiably I'd picked out this pair of red shoes over 2 months ago, and had them saved on my cart at Zappo's, but still... I guess I didn't have to BUY them today, but somehow the thought of bright red shoes on my feet lifted my spirits a little. Hey, I believe in color therapy, don't you?

Melissa's feeling the same way, and that makes me feel a little better, like I'm not alone in all of this. I just get frustrated sometimes when I'm honest about my ups and downs, and some people I know are like, "What's the big deal? You must not be very spiritual or this would be a piece of cake," and I think maybe we all just need to be honest with each other; drop our masks and facades and just let ourselves BE, whether it's crabby or happy or optimistic or sad. When we accept ourselves right where we are, that's where the enlightenment is experienced - just to be able to sit right smack in the middle of our messy lives and be okay with it and ourselves. So I look at my life right this second - Bill's playing Guitar Hero (that game makes me REALLY happy), Erik's in the front room playing "Crazy on You" on his guitar, and Steve and Jordan are out golfing 9 holes. The sun is warm and the wind is that perfect, slightly cool, slightly ruffling sort. I have no worries that are pressing on me right at this second, and I can honestly release the past and future thoughts, just for this one moment. And in doing that, I feel a lot more breathing room all around me.

I miss people, I miss my friends, and connecting with groups, so I'm making it my goal for the rest of the summer to gather my friends any time I can - backyard barbecues, impromptu drop-ins to my house, dinners out - I don't care, I just want to be with my friends. I'm also making a list of all those people I really like, and would like to get together with more - I think active planning is pretty necessary when I can get caught up in my family/home/work obligations. Don't get me wrong - those 3 things are VERY important to me, but ALSO important are my friends, and how I feel when I'm with them - larger than normal, and just a touch happier. So - here's to good friends, here's to connecting, and here's to staying present to our lives.