someone to watch over me

I put Bill to bed around 9:30 every night. We have a great ritual. Brush our teeth, light the clove cinnamon candle by his bed, and read some more of his Pokemon book. Turn out the light by his bed, say our prayers and gratitudes, and go to sleep by candlelight. I wake up a few minutes later and go to my own room. But three nights ago I noticed something as I got up, but didn't say anything. Two nights ago I noticed the same thing, but didn't say anything. But it happened again last night, so I asked Steve about it this morning.

"Honey, did you come into Bill's room right after I put him to sleep and blow out his candle?"

Every time I woke up to go to my room I noticed the candle had been blown out. No, it's not by the window, no, there was no big wind (that happened in the middle of the night, remember?), no, I didn't do it and just not remember. I didn't do it.

"No," said Steve, "I didn't do it."

So I sit here and wonder if it's a big deal, really, just a blown out candle three nights in a row. Then I remember some other things that have happened to me. One time I was VERY tired, and was holding a cold cup of coffee (years ago when I still drank coffee). I was thinking how nice it would be to have a full cup of hot coffee, and how nice it would be if magically it would just fill itself up. While I was sitting there, I felt the cup become hotter, and when I looked down, it was filled to the top with hot coffee. Another time I was parked on my slanting driveway, and busy getting Baby Bill out of the car. The rearview sliding door was left open by one of the bigger kids, who'd since scampered into the house. I sighed. I'd have to walk ALL the way around the van to close the door. I was tired. Wouldn't it be nice... then the door slid - uphill - into place and shut firmly. No, I don't have automatic door close, yes, it's on a hill, no, it's impossible for that to ever happen on its own.

So you may wonder - is it all magic? Does it even matter what REALLY happened? Does it mean anything? And I say yes yes and yes. I think just because I've noticed it, that it means something to me, but I think it's up to me to decide what it means, and I've decided that it means this: when we sleep at night we may feel vulnerable, because we're not exactly IN our physical bodies - we're out doing stuff (hopefully fun stuff), and we're getting our energy tune-ups. So maybe the point is to let me know that I'm not alone at night, someone's watching over me, protecting me while I sleep (I know, it's not that smart to leave a candle burning at night), so this is a sweet way of letting me know that, unequivocally, and I DO feel it - I'm not going to tempt the fates by keeping the candle lit - it IS dangerous, if I don't wake up and let it keep burning. But I'm going to remember my sweet protectors every night when I light that candle, if even for a few moments. We're not alone, we're never alone. This I know for sure.