things that have moved me to tears

1. Watching "Castaway" when Helen Hunt and Tom Hanks are in the rain, and Tom has just driven away, with Helen screaming after him. They embrace and she says, "You were the love of my life." I cried so hard that Steve had to come into the room and wrap his arms around me. For about 1/2 hour. Then we needed to talk about it. What a priceless guy. He didn't even ask any questions, just walked in and put his arms around me when he heard me crying.

2. Watching "Conversations with God" by myself. First it was the goosebumps on both of my legs in the opening scene when he hears, "Have you had enough?" and looks around but can't see anyone. This is my life, and to see it on a movie means so much.

3. Hearing that sweet friend Shannon had to put down her dear dog, Bonkers. She was so close to her, and was a beautiful, gentle animal, much more than a dog. I cry for Shannon's loss of her physical friend, but know that Bonkers is very strongly always in Shannon's heart, because that is where the love connection is, and that can NEVER be broken or lost.

4. Picking strawberries southwest of Enderlin with Billy Boy. It was a beautiful, sunny, hot day, with little white clouds low in the sky. The wind was blowing slightly, but there was just something about this one perfect moment that brought tears to my eyes - life is so fleeting and so precious. In a few short years Bill will be moving on to a bigger life - this was Kari and Erik just a few short years ago, and now they're both gone.

5. Thinking of Kari and Erik when they were only 3 1/2 and 5, the first time they had to leave me for six weeks and not get to see me for that whole time. It was awful - I cleaned the whole house feverishly for the first week, then fell into a funk for the next 5 weeks, hardly able to pull myself off of playing "Buster Brothers," a video game that I perfected, along with eating approximately 3 boxes of RainBlo Gum. It may sound funny, but it wasn't - it was very sad. Just thinking of being away from Bill like that, and remembering BEING away from Kari and Erik like that made me cry, and that memory hadn't come up for a VERY long time.

6. Thinking of how ridiculously much I love my Mum, and how I know we won't have her physically with us that much longer, when I hear her breathy voice on the phone during our daily visits. Yesterday I told her that she was my hero and my inspiration, my support and my friend. Then I cried.

7. Loving my Dad, and seeing his whole life through the memoir work I'm doing for him. Seeing him when he was Erik's age, or even Bill's age, seeing his mom when she was MY age that I am now, and again fastforwarding all these years to look at his life like a moving train - it's all just a series of moments, and they're nearing the end. I guess I don't do mortality that well - I love life so much, even though I know there's so much more than just this - it's still stunningly beautiful and perfect.

So that's the short list. I got a stomach ache all last night, and still feel queasy this morning. I should've listened to Bill when he told me NOT to eat the strawberries before we'd washed off the pesticides, but could I listen? Apparently not - I've purified my body so much that it gets really sick almost instantly when I put poisons in it. That's the good news AND the bad news. I want to always put good stuff in it, but if I slip up, it's a harsh price to pay. But in the end, it's still good - it's all good. And those strawberries? Oh my ...