divine reason

Last night was magical. I'm so thankful to Florie out at Florentine's de Paris for asking me to be a part of her fashion show. I realize I've known Florie for over 20 years, since she was at the Holiday Mall in Moorhead. Sadly, my camera died before I could take a picture of me in my third outfit, the one in which I actually had cleavage (!), but I believe in reasons for everything, but I couldn't even post the other two pics as my camera's STILL dead, even after charging it. I must've been so beautiful that it broke (I'd hate to think it was the opposite reason).

I got a phone call yesterday from a friend asking me about what's going on with everyone right now. So I told her I'd blog about what I know is the most recent "happening" on the energy scene. Again, we're all going through this at the same time, so even though we experience things differently, there's no "experts" out there - just different experiences and different perspectives. I throw my experience and perspective into the mix, then.

What I think this current energy feeling is, is the concrete realization that we've moved into a new place of being, where our old junk no longer resides. We may still be trying to hold onto the old, but it just isn't working, and that's upsetting a whole LOT of us. I know personally I'm trying to hold onto some things and it's making me really sad. I've got a few friends that I've had to recently let go of. It's like we're looking at each other on opposite sides of a window. No right or wrong, just not resonating anymore. I've had to let go of thinking I can control my work. Clients still schedule, but I don't have that burning desire to be out there in the forefront teaching and leading anymore. I did it for 20 years, and it's time to release and move on. I like to keep getting, and getting, and getting, and never letting anything go. Now, I'm not a packrat, but energetically-speaking, I don't like good-byes of any sort. We're being faced with all sorts of relationship, health, friendship, work, home, and emotional issues right now. We're just not getting any breaks, and it seems that the more stuff we're hanging onto, the more drag we're going to be feeling as that makes MORE for us to be dealing with. The easiest time seems to be had by those who open their hands, palms up, and who say, "I'm open." I try to remember to do that, but it gets tough.

I'm sitting here with a little redness on the left side of my throat, a combination of the stress of Steve's surgery, the convention, and facing all that's coming up, whether we perceive it to be good OR bad. This restlessness? It comes from wondering if we're living our lives to the fullest, if we're doing what we WANT to be doing, or if we're just coasting. It's like we're all instantly waking up, and are able to see clearly into every aspect of our lives. There's so much to do, how will we have the time or energy to do it all? We wonder. And we get supported by others, but gone are the days when we can just sit back and expect others to do it FOR us. I spoke with Gwen Rust about that last night, and I told her I've spent approximately the last three years taking care of everybody else, helping them with their dreams, or their health, or their life, and I've just about had enough. I want to live MY life, live my dreams (much less have anyone help ME with MY dreams), and I'm not angry or resentful, I'm just realizing that I've given myself to others for long enough now, and I think that's what a lot of other people are feeling.

Imagine everyone as individual energy currents running vertically. Now imagine that every time you go out of your own life (energy field) and DO something for someone else, a line of energy veers off of your own current line. If everyone is going around doing that, nobody is living IN their own lives, they're all enmeshed and just a part of everyone else's lives, so energetically we've all been shaken up to re-establish those energy current lines to just be our own. Everybody now has their own lives, their own energies, and it's no longer possible to take care of others by giving them your energy (it never was really possible before, but we acted like it was). So if we're still trying to do that, we're getting frustrated. If we really did it in the past (uh hum - Queen speaking here), it's taking some getting used to to NOT do that anymore. There are no more victims, no more martyrs, no more enablers, no more abusers - we're all 100% responsible for our lives and our actions, and it's tough love in action, but in the end, it's going to be really great, because then we'll all be empowered to live our lives fully, no limitations.

How long will all of this continue? I used to put time limits on it, but now I realize this is an ongoing process, and will continue to unfold and refine for the rest of our lives. The thing I need to be reminding myself is that it IS all good, and we're in good hands, and there IS some reason for this seeming madness. Even when I get really pissed and frustrated, I just take a moment, step back, take a few deep breaths, and walk again, albeit a little slower, like I am right now. We can never stop permanently on this spiritual journey, we can only take a breather, rest for a while, or slow down. I'd recommend you don't try to sprint, however - that will just tired you out REALLY quickly, and from what I can see, it's a looooooooooooong trip.