I think I got it backwards

I started my life as a universalist - believing I was one with the Universe, talking to rocks and grass and animals, and listening to them. I lived in this dreamlike world where everything kind of all blurred together. Then I entered into the Church world of rules and regs, of waiting for the end of the world, and receiving the gift of tongues, of praying for other's souls, of marching in front of the abortion clinic, of serving on church boards and cooking tater tot casseroles for funerals. Then I did a 180 and entered the world of the spiritual folks, that wide open world where anything seemed to go, and not much was cohesive. There were no real landmarks or help anywhere, just a lot of people shouting that THEY had the best, the fastest, the only answer for you.

I navigated through those waters for several years, carving out my identity and thoughts and beliefs, laying older beliefs aside, embracing new ones, embracing old ones previously discarded. I saw some similarities in the old church system and the new, supposedly improved "enlightened" system. Ours is the best, ours is the oldest, more respected, most powerful, thee only. I didn't fit that peg, either. I got hurt and betrayed and disrespected and yes, persecuted, but kept going, firmly believing in the thought that we are all ultimately responsible for our own lives and our paths we choose to take. So I kept creating and refining my life, watching with interest the twists and turns it took, especially in these past 3 years. I went from overweight and unhealthy to slim and amazingly perfectly healthy. I went from leaving the Reiki community to stepping back lovingly to let the Masters I helped fly out of the nest to come into their own. I went essentially from being ONLY spiritual to being EVERYTHING. I learned (and am still learning) that I can be IN the world FULLY and still be myself. I learned I don't have to cut myself off from the rest of the world to do my work - it's imperative to be fully here so we CAN help others in the best way possible. And I'm doing that, just by being myself. I can see it when others look at me - something's different, and it's good.

So for me, it was all about taking this next step into integration that marks another important step in my maturation process. I'm growing up into the fullness of being. I'm not apart or separate from anyone or anything. I go to church, I teach Sunday School, I pray, I read the Bible, I meditate, I do yoga, I do my work, and there's no separation. I look around and see others who were where I just came from, and I just smile - you'll walk through that door someday, I want to say, but I don't. I just smile, knowing that those who've walked through the next door are smiling BACK at me. It's a discovery we all have to make on our own, and there's nothing good or bad about any of it. It all just IS. And I have to say I'm LOVING where I am right now - I feel so loved and embraced and supported and respected by the general community - I feel a PART OF, which is important to me.

Those great Republicans have created this big ol' warm spot right there in the center of my heart. I love Democrats, too - most of my friends are Democrats, so that's not the point. The point is this: I'm finding my family, and it's not about blood or politics or religion or ANY of that - it's maybe more about finding myself in all of this, and holding onto that. Yes, maybe THAT'S the point of this all. I know we've turned a corner, Steve and I, and nothing will ever be the same again. Would I have predicted this moment? Not on your life! Would I wish for our lives to be any different than they are right now? Not on your life! Do I know what's next for us? Not on your life! On OUR lives, yes - but on YOUR life? No - you've got your own life.

So, maybe I didn't get it backwards, maybe I'm just drawing the last part of the circle to connect all the different parts of my life - experiencing the wholeness, then the separateness on the left, then the separateness on the right, to connecting all so I can be the circle, and live my life from the center of that circle. Yes, that's it.