help (I need somebody)...

He called on Friday evening, said he'd gotten my phone number off the internet. I don't know how I felt about that, but his phone number was on caller id and he told me his name. He said he's been practicing yoga and holistic things for 40 years, but this ascension stuff was kicking his butt. I'm assuming he found my article for the 57 Ascension Symptoms that's circulating around. He thought there should be some kind of support group for this, and I said he wasn't the first person to mention that. I told him what I know about current symptoms people are feeling (extreme headaches, neckaches, lower back, insomnia, fatigue, knee pain) and said it seemed that a lot of people were helped by finding at least one other person to talk to about it all, just to bounce things off of. Then you don't feel so all alone. He said he felt alone. Everyone does, because we mostly don't have all those old backup sources of support that we used to have. We NEED to do this by ourselves, because it's our lives that we're forming into new creations. It's like asking someone else to have your baby for you, or to "help" you. Nobody can really "help" you birth the baby - that hard work has to be done by YOU, and you alone. You can get support, like someone rubbing your back or looking into your eyes, telling you that you're doing beautifully, but realize that everyone ELSE is birthing their own babies, as well. So we're all huffing and puffing and trying to stay calm, feeling perhaps like our body has betrayed us, and that we're not in control.

I encouraged the caller to get tests run if he's feeling scared, but that chances are high that they won't find anything "wrong" with him. He affirmed that he'd already had a battery of tests run, and they all come back "normal." Of course they do - these symptoms are FELT on the physical realm, but they're not discernible on physical tests, because they aren't actually HOUSED in our physical bodies. So then we get to the point where we just have to trust in the greater workings, and trust that everything's okay. I admit, lately I've felt again that there's something "wrong" with my head and neck and lower stomach areas because that lower back ache just won't go away (now was that a symptom for ovarian cancer, or was it cervical cancer - I forget), or that the concussion I had 10 years ago could be causing an aneurysm or stroke in my head, even though I feel it all over my head, like on my muscles. I thought I was over those fears, but it's intense and non-stop, you know? We're not superhumans, you know. Sometimes I just want everything to be "normal" again (whatever that means). Maybe I mean that I want to be feel really solid and healthy (wait - I DO feel healthy) and energetic and well, whole. Maybe that's what the house feels like in the middle of its reconstruction - all torn apart, and just wanting to be put back together again. But if we really ARE building the new, we can't put the house back together again in the OLD, and we can't put it back together until it's time. We can't wallpaper on bare studs, or carpet on concrete or plug appliances in where there are no outlets. Everything builds on the previous action, and even though it appears that the major deconstruction, demolition and building of the foundational stuff is completed, there still appears to be a lot of other stuff left to be done.

Just think about it - the floors and the walls and the handles and the colors and the cupboards and the shower curtains and the appliances and the outlet covers and the floorboards and the shingles and the siding and the sidewalk and the windows and their treatments. I honestly don't even know if we've even GOTTEN to those decorating things yet - I think we're probably still on the plumbing and electricity issues, because man, am I feeling plumbing and electricity issues in my body!

I'm glad I answered the phone on Friday. I'm glad he found my number and felt drawn to call. I hope I helped. He said I spoke to his heart a few times, so that probably helped him not feel so alone. I'm blessed especially to have Maggie and Melissa as my "peeps" in this whole thing - they are my support and my sanity. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. Of course, it helps to have a rocking husband and kids AND other great friends AND amazing mom and dad. We can do this - we can - we just need to keep going until, well, until we don't need to keep going anymore, whenever that time may be. In the meantime, I'll stay, and help as much as I can, whether it be a phone call, or an e-mail, or a column, or a blog entry. We ALL need help - we need each other. The song keeps playing in my head:

"Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before."