get over it?

Apparently not. When I went to bed last night, I asked for some revelation to help me see what's wrong with me. My dream? We were back at 912, and Mom was back. Dad was running everywhere frantically, taking care of her, getting her comfortable on the couch with the pillows, arranging all of her pills. He was exhausted and really scared of all the work. Mom said that she couldn't breathe, but she was happy to be back for a while. I lay down next to her on the couch, and she put her arm around me, and we just lay there. I couldn't stop crying. Then I woke up.

So although my emotions have integrated Mom's death, it's apparent that my physical body (and whatever other parts of me) still grieve very deeply for Mom, as my whole body felt the pain. But I'm glad I know now, and can see a little more clearly. How haughty, egotistical and presumptuous of me to think I'd "get over" the greatest loss of my life to date, in only 3 months! So I understand the depth of my feelings and connection to Mom, even if this physical life is only a small part of that connection, it IS a huge part of my experience down here (well, duh), so I'm backing off my expectations for my life, and my actions, and well, I don't know what that will look like, but it's plain to see that I'm still in a lot of pain, so I'm thankful for the dream, painful as it was. It's helped me understand myself better, and isn't that what this is all about? I love you, Mom, forever and always, and gees, does it suck that you're gone.